51 Things Narcissistic Mothers Say: Recognizing the Signs of Narcissistic Abuse

If you’ve ever had a narcissistic mother, you know how difficult it can be to deal with her.

Narcissistic mothers often say things that are hurtful, manipulative, and controlling.

These mothers can make you feel like you’re not good enough like you’re always doing something wrong, and like you’re never going to be able to please them.

In this article, we’re going to look at 51 things that narcissistic mothers say and how to handle them.

We’ll explore the ways in which narcissistic mothers can undermine your self-esteem, gaslight you, invalidate your feelings and instill guilt and obligation.

We’ll also look at how these mothers project their issues onto you, control you through fear, play the victim, perpetuate dependence, and make dismissive and belittling comments.

By the end of this article, you’ll have a better understanding of what narcissistic mothers say and how to deal with them.

Key Takeaways

  • Narcissistic mothers can say things that are hurtful, manipulative, and controlling.
  • These mothers can undermine your self-esteem, gaslight you, invalidate your feelings and instill guilt and obligation.
  • To deal with narcissistic mothers, it’s important to set boundaries, seek support, and focus on your well-being.

Undermining Your Self-Esteem

If you have a narcissistic mother, you may have experienced her constantly undermining your self-esteem. Here are a few common phrases she may use to make you doubt yourself:

You’re Just Too Sensitive

Your mother may tell you that you’re just too sensitive when you express your feelings or when you get hurt by something she’s said or done. This can make you feel like your emotions are invalid or that you’re overreacting. But it’s important to remember that your feelings are valid, and you have the right to express them.

I Guess You Did Okay, For You

Your mother may give you backhanded compliments like “I guess you did okay, for you.” This can make you feel like you’re not good enough or that you’re always falling short of her expectations. But it’s important to remember that you don’t need her approval to feel good about yourself. You are enough just the way you are.

You’ll Never Be As Good As Your Sibling

Your mother may compare you to your siblings and make you feel like you’re not as good as they are. This can make you feel like you’re in constant competition with your siblings and like you’re always falling short. But it’s important to remember that you are unique and that you have your own strengths and talents. You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else to feel good about yourself.

It’s important to recognize when your mother is trying to devalue you and criticize you. Remember that her words don’t define you, and you have the power to build your own self-esteem and confidence.

Gaslighting and Reality Warping

Gaslighting is a common tactic used by narcissistic mothers to manipulate and control their children. It involves twisting the truth and distorting reality to make the victim doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. Here are some common gaslighting phrases used by narcissistic mothers:

That Never Happened

Narcissistic mothers often deny their abusive behavior and dismiss their child’s complaints by saying “that never happened.” They may also blame the child for making things up or exaggerating the situation. This can leave the child feeling confused, invalidated, and powerless.

You Have Such An Active Imagination

Another gaslighting tactic used by narcissistic mothers is to accuse their child of having an overactive imagination or being too sensitive. They may belittle the child’s feelings and make them doubt their own emotions. This can lead to the child suppressing their feelings and developing a sense of shame and self-doubt.

You Always Remember Things Wrong

Narcissistic mothers may also try to rewrite history and convince their child that their memories are inaccurate or distorted. They may use phrases like “you always remember things wrong” or “that’s not how it happened.” This can make the child question their own perception of reality and feel like they can’t trust their own memories.

Gaslighting and reality warping are insidious forms of narcissistic abuse that can have long-lasting effects on the victim’s mental health and well-being. It’s important to recognize these tactics and seek support from a therapist or trusted friend to help you regain your sense of self and reality.

Invalidating Your Feelings

If you have a narcissistic mother, it’s likely that she has invalidated your feelings at some point in your life. Invalidating your feelings means that she has dismissed, ignored, or minimized your emotions, leaving you feeling unheard and unsupported.

Stop Being Dramatic

One way narcissistic mothers invalidate their children’s feelings is by telling them to stop being dramatic. They may say things like “You’re overreacting” or “You’re being too sensitive.” These comments can make you feel ashamed of your emotions and like you’re not allowed to express yourself. Remember that your feelings are valid, and you have the right to express them.

You’re Overreacting, As Usual

Another common way narcissistic mothers invalidate their children’s feelings is by telling them they’re overreacting, as usual. This can make you feel like your emotions are always too much or too intense, leading to self-doubt and shame. It’s essential to recognize that your emotions are valid, and you have the right to feel them. Don’t let your mother’s invalidation make you feel like you’re wrong for having emotions.

You Have No Reason To Be Upset

Narcissistic mothers may also invalidate their children’s feelings by telling them they have no reason to be upset. This can make you feel like your emotions are irrational or unwarranted, leading to self-doubt and confusion. It’s crucial to remember that your emotions are valid, and you have the right to feel them, even if your mother doesn’t understand or agree with them.

In conclusion, invalidating your feelings is a common tactic used by narcissistic mothers to control and manipulate their children. Remember that your feelings are valid, and you have the right to express them. Don’t let your mother’s invalidation make you feel ashamed or like you’re not allowed to feel emotions.

Instilling Guilt and Obligation

Narcissistic mothers often use guilt to manipulate their children into doing what they want. They make their children feel obligated to them, as if they owe them something. This can be a difficult cycle to break, but recognizing the tactics they use can help.

After All I’ve Done For You, This Is How You Repay Me?

One common guilt-tripping tactic is to remind their children of all the things they have done for them in the past. They might say things like, “After all I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?” or “I sacrificed everything for you and this is how you treat me?” By doing this, they make their children feel like they owe them something and should be grateful for everything they have done.

I’ve Sacrificed Everything For You

Another tactic is to make their children feel guilty for their sacrifices. Narcissistic mothers might say things like, “I’ve sacrificed everything for you,” or “I’ve given up my life for you.” This is a way of making their children feel like they owe them something in return and should be willing to do whatever they ask.

You’re So Ungrateful

Narcissistic mothers might also use guilt to make their children feel ungrateful. They might say things like, “You’re so ungrateful,” or “I do everything for you and you don’t appreciate it.” This is a way of making their children feel like they should be grateful for everything they do, even if it’s not what they want.

It’s important to recognize these guilt-tripping tactics and not let them control you. Remember that you are not responsible for your mother’s happiness and that you have the right to set boundaries. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you break the cycle of guilt and obligation.

Projecting Their Own Issues

Narcissistic mothers often project their own issues onto their children. This means that they accuse you of having the same flaws and insecurities that they have, even if those accusations are unfounded. Here are some common things narcissistic mothers say when they’re projecting their own issues onto you:

You’re So Selfish

One of the most common accusations that narcissistic mothers make is that you’re selfish. They might say things like “You only think about yourself” or “You never consider anyone else’s feelings.” In reality, it’s the narcissistic mother who is selfish. She expects you to put her needs and wants above your own, and she gets angry when you don’t.

You Always Think You’re Right

Another common projection is accusing you of always thinking you’re right. Narcissistic mothers often have a hard time admitting when they’re wrong, so they project that flaw onto you. They might say things like “You always have to be right” or “You never listen to anyone else’s opinion.” In reality, it’s the narcissistic mother who always thinks she’s right.

You’re The One With The Problem, Not Me

Narcissistic mothers often refuse to take responsibility for their own behavior. When confronted with their flaws or mistakes, they’ll often say things like “You’re the one with the problem, not me” or “You’re just too sensitive.” This is a classic example of projection. In reality, it’s the narcissistic mother who has the problem, but she can’t admit it.

It’s important to remember that when your narcissistic mother is projecting her own issues onto you, it’s not your fault. You’re not the one with the problem, and you’re not the one who needs to change. The best thing you can do is to recognize the projection for what it is and set boundaries to protect yourself.

Controlling Through Fear

Narcissistic mothers often use fear to control their children. They want to keep you under their authority and will do whatever it takes to maintain their power over you. Here are some common phrases they use to control you through fear:

You’ll Regret It If You Do That

Your narcissistic mother may try to scare you into obeying her by threatening you with consequences. She might say things like, “If you do that, you’ll regret it” or “You’ll be sorry if you don’t listen to me.” These threats are meant to make you feel afraid and unsure of yourself, so you’ll do what she wants.

I’m The Only One Who Wants What’s Best For You

Narcissistic mothers often try to convince their children that they are the only ones who care about them. They might say things like, “I’m the only one who wants what’s best for you” or “No one else cares about you like I do.” By making you feel like you have no one else to turn to, your mother can control you more easily.

Without Me, You’re Nothing

Your narcissistic mother may try to make you feel like you’re nothing without her. She might say things like, “Without me, you’re nothing” or “You’ll never make it on your own.” These statements are meant to make you feel dependent on her and afraid to leave her control.

Remember, your narcissistic mother’s goal is to control you. Don’t let her manipulate you through fear. Seek help from a mental health professional and learn how to set healthy boundaries with her. You deserve to live a happy, independent life free from her control.

Playing the Victim

Narcissistic mothers often play the victim to manipulate their children and others around them. They use this tactic to gain sympathy, attention, and control. Here are some common phrases they use to play the victim:

You Don’t Know How Hard I Have It

Narcissistic mothers often use this phrase to guilt-trip their children into doing what they want. They want you to believe that they have it harder than anyone else and that you should feel sorry for them. They may also use this phrase to justify their abusive behavior towards you.

You’re Making My Life Miserable

Narcissistic mothers may use this phrase to make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself or setting boundaries. They want you to believe that you are the cause of their unhappiness and that you should do everything in your power to make them happy. This is a form of emotional manipulation that can leave you feeling drained and powerless.

Everyone’s Against Me, Even My Own Child

Narcissistic mothers may use this phrase to isolate you from others and make you feel like you are the only one who understands them. They want you to believe that everyone else is against them, including your siblings and other family members. This can make you feel like you are the only one who can help them, which can lead to feelings of guilt and obligation.

It’s important to remember that these phrases are not true and are just another way for narcissistic mothers to control and manipulate you. It’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize your own needs and well-being. If you are struggling with a narcissistic mother, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate this difficult relationship.

Perpetuating Dependence

If you have a narcissistic mother, you may have noticed that she often tries to perpetuate your dependence on her. This is because she wants to maintain control over you and keep you under her thumb. In this section, we’ll look at some of the ways that narcissistic mothers perpetuate dependence and keep their children from becoming independent.

You Can’t Handle Things Without Me

One of the most common things that narcissistic mothers say is that you can’t handle things without them. They may tell you that you’re not capable of doing things on your own or that you’ll fail without their help. This is a form of manipulation that is designed to keep you dependent on them.

You Don’t Know How The Real World Works

Another tactic that narcissistic mothers use to perpetuate dependence is to tell you that you don’t know how the real world works. They may criticize your decisions or tell you that you’re not ready to face the challenges of the real world. This is another way of trying to control you and keep you dependent on them.

You’ll Come Crawling Back When You Fail

Narcissistic mothers may also try to perpetuate your dependence by telling you that you’ll come crawling back to them when you fail. They may use this as a way to make you feel like you can’t succeed without their help. This is another form of manipulation that is designed to keep you under their control.

It’s important to recognize these tactics for what they are. If you want to become independent and break free from your narcissistic mother’s control, you need to start by recognizing these patterns of behavior. Once you understand how your mother is trying to perpetuate your dependence, you can start to take steps to break free and become independent.

Dismissive and Belittling Comments

Narcissistic mothers often use dismissive and belittling comments to make you feel inferior and to boost their own self-esteem. Here are some common examples of these types of comments:

You’re Not Wearing That, Are You?

Your narcissistic mother might criticize your appearance, even if you think you look good. She might say things like, “You’re not wearing that, are you?” or “That outfit doesn’t look good on you.” These comments can make you feel self-conscious and hurt your self-esteem.

You’re Not Smart Enough To Understand

If you don’t agree with your narcissistic mother or question her authority, she might tell you that you’re not smart enough to understand. She might say things like, “You’re too young to understand” or “You’re not as smart as I am.” These comments can make you doubt your own intelligence and abilities.

I Don’t Know Why I Expect More From You

Your narcissistic mother might compare you to others and make you feel like you’re not good enough. She might say things like, “I don’t know why I expect more from you” or “Why can’t you be more like your sister/brother?” These comments can devalue your accomplishments and make you feel like you’re not living up to your potential.

It’s important to remember that these comments say more about your narcissistic mother than they do about you. Don’t let her criticism and judgment affect your self-confidence. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you build your self-esteem and set healthy boundaries with your mother.

Ownership and Possession

As a child of a narcissistic mother, you may have experienced feelings of ownership and possession. Your mother may have made it clear to you that you are her property and that she has control over your life. This can lead to feelings of helplessness and a lack of autonomy.

You’re My Child, So You’ll Do As I Say

Your mother may have used her authority as your parent to control your every move. She may have made it clear that you are her child and that you must do as she says. This can lead to a feeling of being trapped and unable to make your own decisions.

I Gave You Life, I Can Take It Away

Your mother may have used her power over you to manipulate you into doing what she wants. She may have made it clear that she gave you life, and therefore, she has the power to take it away. This can lead to feelings of fear and a lack of self-worth.

You Owe Your Success To Me

Your mother may have taken credit for your successes and achievements. She may have made it clear that you owe your success to her and that without her, you would be nothing. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and a lack of self-confidence.

It is important to recognize that these feelings are not your fault. Your mother’s manipulative behavior is a result of her narcissistic personality disorder. It is important to set boundaries and seek help if necessary. Remember that you have the power to take control of your own life and make your own decisions.

Conclusion

Living with a narcissistic mother can be a challenging experience that can leave a lasting impact on your life. The words of a narcissistic mother can have a profound effect on your self-esteem, confidence, and relationships. However, it is possible to recover and heal from the trauma caused by a narcissistic mother’s words.

The Long-Term Impact of a Narcissistic Mother’s Words

The words of a narcissistic mother can have long-term effects on your mental health and well-being. You may experience depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues as a result of the constant criticism and invalidation. You may also struggle with forming healthy relationships and setting boundaries with others.

Strategies for Recovery and Healing

Recovery and healing from the impact of a narcissistic mother’s words can be a long and difficult process. However, there are strategies that can help you on your journey towards healing. Here are a few strategies to consider:

  • Seek therapy: Talking to a mental health professional can help you process the trauma and develop coping mechanisms to deal with the impact of your mother’s words.
  • Set boundaries: Setting clear boundaries with your mother can help you protect your mental health and well-being. This may involve limiting contact or cutting off contact altogether.
  • Practice self-care: Engaging in self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, and spending time with supportive friends and family can help you build resilience and improve your mental health.
  • Read books: There are many books available that can help you understand narcissistic mothers and develop strategies for healing. Some recommended books include “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?” by Dr. Karyl McBride and “The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment” by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert M. Pressman.

In conclusion, healing from the impact of a narcissistic mother’s words is possible. It may be a long and difficult journey, but with the right strategies and support, you can overcome the trauma and build a happy and healthy life for yourself.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can a daughter of a narcissistic mother recognize if she is being sabotaged?

If you have a narcissistic mother, you may recognize that she tries to sabotage your success in various ways. She may criticize your choices, belittle your accomplishments, and make you doubt your abilities. You may feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells around her, and that nothing you do is ever good enough. It’s important to recognize that this behavior is not normal or healthy, and that it is not your fault. If you find yourself in this situation, seek support from a therapist or trusted friend.

What are some common symptoms of daughters of covert narcissistic mothers?

Daughters of covert narcissistic mothers may experience a range of symptoms, including low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and difficulty forming healthy relationships. They may also struggle with feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy, and may have a hard time trusting others. If you suspect that you have a covert narcissistic mother, it’s important to seek support from a therapist who can help you work through these issues.

What are some signs of narcissistic abuse from a mother?

Narcissistic abuse from a mother can take many forms, including emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and physical or verbal abuse. You may feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells around her, and that nothing you do is ever good enough. You may also feel like you are responsible for her emotions, and that you need to do everything in your power to keep her happy. If you suspect that you are being abused by your mother, seek support from a therapist or trusted friend.

How can a daughter of a narcissistic mother cope with favoritism?

If your narcissistic mother shows favoritism towards one sibling over the others, it can be incredibly painful and damaging. You may feel like you are constantly competing for her attention and affection, and that you are never good enough. It’s important to recognize that this behavior is not normal or healthy, and that it is not your fault. Seek support from a therapist or trusted friend who can help you work through these feelings and develop healthy coping strategies.

What are some strategies for outsmarting a narcissistic mother?

Outsmarting a narcissistic mother can be difficult, but it is possible. One strategy is to set clear boundaries and stick to them, even if it means saying no to her demands. You can also try to avoid engaging in arguments or power struggles, and instead focus on your own needs and goals. It’s important to remember that you cannot change your mother’s behavior, but you can change how you respond to it.

What are some examples of narcissistic behavior in aging mothers?

Narcissistic behavior in aging mothers can include a range of behaviors, including a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for constant attention and admiration. They may also become increasingly controlling and manipulative, and may try to guilt trip their children into doing what they want. If you suspect that your aging mother is exhibiting narcissistic behavior, seek support from a therapist who can help you navigate this difficult situation.

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