Covert Narcissist Husband

Interested in the covert narcissist husband topic? This guide is for you!

The word narcissist gets thrown around often when we want to describe someone extremely vain or full of themselves.

But someone with a genuine narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD, displays an inflated image to protect themselves from feelings of profound insecurity.

These emotions reside in the subconscious mind, so they can’t threaten the narcissist’s grandiose sense of self-importance.

When someone is a covert narcissist, they are much better at covering up their behavior, making it harder for you to get the validation they need.

Often to others, your husband is incredibly charming and likable. Narcissists want to impress others, and their social behavior reflects it.

However, in close relationships, it’s another story.

If you suspect your partner is a covert narcissist husband, see if any of these 15 signs ring true for you:

1. He refuses to take the blame

You get into a heated discussion, and he disrespects and insults you.

However, when the storm passes, he will not apologize. He says he has done nothing wrong, that the way he acted was because of your rudeness.

He was only defending himself.

You end up feeling hurt and helpless. Any hope of the relationship improving and growing feels impossible.

This behavior carries into other areas, as well. If something goes wrong at work, he blames the team or management.

His speeding ticket results from a faulty radar gun or even the road itself.

2. He makes everything about him

The subject at hand always centers around him. His job, his money, his problems, what he wants.

When you get upset about something and talk to him about it, the conversation turns into his story and how it affects him.

Your husband can’t put the focus on you and what you’re doing for too long before he takes over and makes you the audience for his production.

If you share feelings of hurt or anger, he becomes hurt and angry, and now the subject becomes helping him feel better because of how you made him feel.

You feel uncared about and unheard. The relationship feels very one-sided and emotionally exhausting.

3. You feel isolated from friends and family

He pulls you away from other close relationships.

He may find things to criticize them about and gradually convinces you that maybe they weren’t that good of a friend or a loving enough parent.

Perhaps he tells you your sibling takes advantage of you.

Narcissists are very good at this methodical process and get you to start questioning your social connections. He has more control when you believe he is the only one you truly have.

4. You feel gaslighted

During discussions or arguments with your husband, he convinces you that you’re crazy, that you have no reason for feeling that way, and that you’re making a big deal out of nothing.

Some common phrases you may hear are: You’re always so angry. You’re being paranoid. You can’t take a joke. Just let it go or the famous; no one will ever love you as I do.

After a while, you begin to feel unlovable and think maybe something is wrong with you.

If you’re an intuitive, sensitive person, you may have already felt wounded and misunderstood as a child. So when your husband frequently criticizes you, it can trigger strong emotions of self-doubt and unworthiness.

5. His behavior is never the problem

He is perfectly fine. It’s you and everyone else that has the problem. Everyone is incompetent, lazy, selfish, and delusional. He has no issue with stating his superiority over most people.

However, socially, he cares too much about his image and adoration to let them know directly. He saves that information for you.

6. He purposely makes you jealous

He casually flirts with other women using his charm and likeability to the perfect degree, just enough for you to feel threatened and jealous.

His ego soaks it up.

He has to display his worth to you by the attention he gets from others, especially women, so you remember how lucky you are. Once again, it gives him control over you since deep down in his psyche, the insecurity and fear of rejection are unbearable.

7. He cares more about how you look than who you are

He becomes meticulous over what you wear when going out, especially if it involves his work associates. No mark on his children’s shoes is acceptable.

Every wrinkle in your blouse needs ironing before leaving the house. He comments on a few unkempt hairs on your forehead that need combing back.

You probably change your clothes several times when getting ready to go out with him, becoming frustrated that nothing you have is good enough because you adopt his scrutinizing behavior.

As a result, you often feel that your value and worth as a person mean nothing to him.

He’s more concerned with the outside and what other people think. Ironically, you feel unseen.

8. He criticizes your parenting skills

If one of the children acts out with any bad behavior, you are the first to blame. Your so-called lack of parenting skills caused the problem.

How can he be at fault when he is rarely there?

He reminds you that he is the family’s primary financial provider and undervalues what you do. He never acknowledges his influence in their lives.

If you work, too, the kids acting up is because of your neglect, not his.

9. He frequently puts you down

You can’t seem to measure up. What you do is never good enough. He finds the one thing you didn’t do.

You may have cleaned the fridge, but you left some clothes on the floor.

You paid all the bills but forgot to call the dentist to set up an appointment.

You have a job and contribute financially, but he complains you get home too late.

Sometimes you wonder why you even try to please him.

10. You consistently feel a lack of emotional closeness

As much time as you spend together, you feel an emptiness and distance when with your partner. You sense that he isn’t in touch with his feelings and doesn’t care about yours.

If you try to explain how you feel, he gets defensive, and the conversation becomes about how you hurt and undervalue him.

You may struggle to talk and feel closer to him, but your efforts seem futile.

11. He is unwilling to work on your relationship

You feel frustrated and emotionally exhausted most of the time. How can your relationship improve if you never discuss what goes wrong and why so that the two of you can handle it better in the future?

Your instincts to want to work things through is healthy, yet your husband makes you feel like you hang on to things too long and that you have the issue.

12. He lacks emotional empathy

If he hurts you, he doesn’t take responsibility. Instead, he tells you that you are too sensitive or justifies his criticisms by saying they’re the truth and that you can’t accept reality.

He turns his lack of empathy on you and tells you that you always blame others and get too defensive.

Talking with a narcissistic husband can make you feel like you’re going crazy. They twist your words and divert the subject to the point that you’re left speechless, wounded, and unable to express yourself.

13. He cheats or has cheated on you in the past

Without developed empathy that allows him to set boundaries and consider right and wrong and how his choices affect others, it becomes easy to see why narcissistic husbands have affairs.

His fragile self-esteem and ego need constant validation and admiration.

If you discover the affair, he says you gave him little attention, were always busy, didn’t have sex enough, and neglected him while taking care of the kids.

None of his rationalized excuses point to his lack of character and poor decision-making.

14. He often has fits of anger

Defensiveness kicks in if he hears anything from you revealing criticism or unhappiness with his behavior or words.

He lets out his rage as if you’ve offended not only the very essence of who he is but every generation before him!

This sign clearly shows his fragile self-esteem and self-worth and provides a window into his insecurity.

15. He has a sense of entitlement

He believes he should get everything he wants.

He has no tolerance for waiting in line, not getting immediate help with customer service, or not getting the attention and care from you that he rightly deserves.

He displays righteous indignation, outrage, and the cold shoulder when things don’t go his way.

If you can relate to most of these statements, you can learn how to strengthen your self-esteem and self-compassion, deal with your husband more effectively and start to take healthy steps in a healing direction.

Can a gifted therapist help you too?

If you struggle with anxiety, depression, high-stress levels, relationship issues, or other specific challenges, one-on-one support from a therapist can help a lot.

You don’t need to go through this alone. There’s no shame in getting help!

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