Covert Narcissist Wife (15 Ways to Know if You Have a Covert Narcissist Wife)

If your relationship appears to be changing for the worse after once being so wonderful, you may be married to a covert narcissist wife.

See if these signs apply to your spouse to determine if you have a covert narcissist wife.

1. She’s very materialistic. She’ll spare no expense to have the finer things in life. Unfortunately, much of the cost may fall on your shoulders. If you don’t give in to her desires, she may throw tantrums or give you the silent treatment.

She wants to have designer clothes, shoes, bags, jewelry, and home furnishings because she wants to be admired by others.

Your wife may not feel worthy enough on her own, so she needs to show that she’s worth something simply because she can afford luxury items.

2. Your spouse cares too much about keeping up appearances. Not only does she always feel the need to look her best, but she may also insist that you change your appearance to suit her tastes as well.

She may collect material items that make her look good, or she may insist on going as far as to have both surgical and nonsurgical cosmetic procedures performed regularly.

Her self-worth is so low that she focuses on how she looks to gain approval from others.

Every narcissist’s heart is the need to be admired or desired.

For the covert narcissist wife, she may not make obvious attempts, such as by constantly speaking about how wonderful she is, but her desire to maintain appearances is a big clue.

3. She’s overly competitive. Your wife takes games, sporting events, or other competitions way too seriously and must win at all costs.

She may even resort to cheating, and she’ll justify her actions by blaming you or others that she feels that she competes with.

Consequently, this highly competitive nature may also apply to her relationship with her daughters. As her girls grow up, she’ll envy their youth and beauty.

Because she’s a covert narcissist, she may hide this, but you may notice her “borrowing” her daughters’ clothes or copying their looks to somehow be more attractive or better in some way.

4. This woman has a boundary issue. A lack of boundaries is par for the course when you have a covert narcissistic wife. She may not give you or the kids any personal space because everything has to revolve around her.

She may borrow things that don’t belong to her.

She may invade your children’s privacy by checking your phone calls and texts and prying through your closets and drawers.

Nothing is sacred: what’s hers is hers, and so is what belongs to everyone else.

5. Your wife can’t handle criticism. Any criticism can start an argument even when given as lovingly and positively as you can.

She won’t listen to what you have to say, turning extremely defensive at any mention that she’s less than perfect.

Since she has this innate insecurity, any criticism feels like an attack against her value as a woman and a person. In her eyes, she can do no wrong.

If you call her out for something she did, or didn’t do, she is likely to blame you, the kids, her boss, or anyone else rather than admit responsibility for her wrongdoing.

6. She’s a different person in public. Others, who may not know your wife as well as you do, will typically see her as a very kind, nice person.

She knows how to play a room though since her narcissism is covert, she may even appear gentle and humble.

Outsiders will likely never see the “real” person that she can be, the one that is controlling and often cruel.

Unless she feels that she needs to manipulate any of these people to make a gain, she’ll probably always seem so nice and friendly.

In fact, to others, yours may seem like the perfect family. They simply have no idea what you may go through behind closed doors.

This makes it so hard to get the third part on your side to help you confront your covert narcissist wife if it becomes necessary.

It may seem like nobody believes your version of events because they only see the part that she wants them to see.

7. Your spouse is fiercely jealous. Your wife can be extremely jealous of other women whether you’re talking to them or just happen to glance at one walking by.

You’ll most likely pay the price when you get home, but at least in public, she may try to behave herself.

This jealousy doesn’t only apply to women though. She may be jealous of your time at work or with your friends.

8. She’s a huge gossip. To assert some type of control and alleviate her jealousy a bit, she’ll trade potentially harmful gossip about those she thinks are better than her.

This is her way of feeling more in control and more powerful and successful than others. Her closest friends may believe what she says about others and take her side because of these stories.

9. She enjoys being overly dramatic. When your wife feels like she’s not getting the attention and recognition she deserves, she’s likely to start drama.

This can be throwing fits, nitpicking everything you do or say, or even starting an argument by bringing up alleged wrongs from the past.

Be prepared since drama is a major part of this woman’s life.

10. She’s highly critical of you and others. Although she can’t handle criticism when directed at her, you can bet that she’s more than happy to pass it out on real and alleged matters.

Because she’s a covert narcissist, she may not yell and scream and won’t openly try to have a valid conversation about the issue.

She’s more likely to use the silent treatment or become extremely passive-aggressive in her words and actions.

11. Your wife may withhold affection. In addition to giving you the silent treatment, your spouse may withhold affection and sex from you when she doesn’t get her way.

No matter how much you beg her to understand and her reason, this gives her additional attention.

However, if you don’t play her game and simply ignore her back, this could extend the situation or be the beginning of an entirely new argument session.

12. She seeks attention from others. It’s typical for covert narcissist women to be highly flirtatious to get attention and feel attractive.

If your wife feels that you aren’t meeting her needs for constant admiration, she may have a series of affairs.

In keeping with the narcissist’s behaviors, these affairs are likely to be with people you know or are close to you.

Perhaps she chooses those from your circle because she knows it would be more hurtful than if the affair were with a stranger. She doesn’t care if she’s caught because she may be trying to teach you a lesson.

Ultimately, she is fulfilling her incessant need for admiration and attention though she’ll most likely try to blame you for having an affair.

13. She may fly off the handle for no reason. While covert narcissists typically use passive aggression or the silent treatment, if she feels like she is being criticized, belittled, ignored, or the like, she may fly off into a rage like you’ve never seen before.

Because she may not come right out and say what’s bothering her, you and the kids may feel like you have to walk around on eggshells since you don’t know what will set her off.

14. She may seem aloof and uncaring. A narcissist is incapable of maintaining healthy relationships with others. There is no give and take. Simply put, your wife is going to do what she wants when she wants, even if it doesn’t include you or the children.

It’s hard for the covert narcissist wife to care about anyone’s needs but her own truly. Additionally, she may be incapable of truly loving another person because she’s incapable of loving herself as she is.

15. She excels at gaslighting. As with all other narcissists, she’ll be perfectly adept at gaslighting. She’ll put all kinds of effort into little things, such as moving items to different locations or getting rid of things behind your back.

All of this is done to make you feel like you’re losing your mind. Of course, she’ll be right there to set you straight by pointing out how you’re mistaken.

She wants it to appear that you can’t do things or remember things on your own so you’ll have to turn to her for support.

The best thing to do if you realize that you have a covert narcissist wife is to get some help through counseling If she’s unwilling to cooperate, you may have to leave the relationship for the safety and peace of mind of you and your children.

Can a gifted therapist help you too?

If you struggle with anxiety, depression, high-stress levels, relationship issues, or other specific challenges, one-on-one support from a therapist can help a lot.

You don’t need to go through this alone. There’s no shame in getting help!

Thousands of people get tailor-made support from a kind, empathetic, helpful therapist when faced with difficult life situations.

I recommend BetterHelp, which is a sponsor of Personality Unleashed.

It’s private, affordable, and takes place in the comfort of your own home.

Plus, you can talk to your therapist however you feel comfortable, whether through video, phone, or messaging.

Are you ready to break the negativity cycle?

Personality Unleashed readers get 10% off their first month. Click here to learn more.

Similar Posts