Do Narcissists Know They Hurt You?

Sooo, do narcissists know they hurt you?

Underneath the charming exterior of the narcissist lies a cold and calculating human being. The narcissistic person has many skills and tools at his or her disposal to manipulate others.

Many interactions with a narcissist will leave you feeling hurt in some way. Although someone with a narcissistic personality disorder may hurt you physically, most of the abuse dished out is done verbally and emotionally.

1. Does the narcissist know that he or she hurts you?

The short answer is yes. Someone who is a narcissist is very perceptive regarding human emotions and the responses that occur.

This individual is very keen on noticing reactions as a way to better manipulate and control those around him or her.

Since this type of individual doesn’t experience feelings the same way that others do, he or she must be aware of how others react to certain events and identify the responses so that he or she can fake empathy and other reactions in the future.

Once the narcissist does or says something that is hurtful and produces a reaction from you, this individual will take mental notes so that he or she can use this information at a later time when it suits his or her circumstances the best.

While many times the narcissist’s abuse is intentional, at other times it’s not. Regardless, your reaction is stashed away in some mental file that can be used against you at a later date.

Because someone who is a narcissist is aware of how his or her abuse affects you, this leads to additional questions, such as does the narcissist hurt you intentionally, or does he or she even regret this behavior?

2. Does the narcissist hurt you on purpose?

Whether or not someone with narcissistic personality disorder intentionally hurts you depends on the situation and the narcissist himself or herself.

The same individual may intentionally try to hurt you sometimes and may be unaware that he or she will do so at others.

In most cases, any harm caused by the narcissist is intentional. He or she just doesn’t care as long as it suits his or her own needs.

3. Why does the narcissist hurt you on purpose?

Down at the heart of the matter, the main reason this individual will hurt you is for control.

Whether to get you to bend to his or her will or to punish you for alleged wrongdoing, this person wants to be able to control his or her situation. This can be accomplished by hurting you to keep you in line.

If you have ever done anything that the narcissist feels is wrong against this person, he or she may also wish to seek revenge on you. This individual will find some way to hurt you directly or through others. This is obviously intentional.

In some cases, this person will hurt you for simple enjoyment, especially if he or she is a malignant narcissist or someone with other psychopathic traits.

This type of narcissist extracts pleasure from being able to control others by causing pain.

In these cases, the narcissistic individual may use your pain for pleasure when other circumstances in his or her life aren’t quite in control.

At other times, this type of narcissist may want to bring you down to his or her level if you are having a good day or are trying to celebrate a success that you’ve experienced.

You see, the narcissist can’t have you being happier than he or she is, so this person stays on top by bringing you down in some way.

4. What if the narcissist didn’t intend to hurt you on purpose?

There are some instances where the decisions made by the narcissist inflict pain on another person.

Whatever words or actions were carried out by this individual were done as a means to an end.

Often, a narcissist will hurt you in the heat of the moment. If he or she feels narcissistic injury, this person may lash out whether you were the person to inflict the wounds or not.

However, there is a debate on if this type of harm is intentional or not.

Someone who is a narcissist may know that what he or she is going to say or do is about to cause you pain, but this person simply just doesn’t care.

At other times, this person might be expressing his or her rage and not realize ahead of time that this will hurt her.

However, in these cases, the narcissist won’t forget the harm that he or she caused and may use this information as the power to manipulate and control you later.

Whether the narcissist intended to hurt you from the start or not, the point remains that he or she did abuse you and shouldn’t be let off of the hook for his or her behavior just because the individual didn’t expressly intend you any harm.

This line of reasoning just gives someone with narcissistic personality disorder more power over you. Always be aware that the narcissist’s abuse is always calculated in some form.

5. Does the narcissist regret hurting you?

If you want it short and not so sweet, the answer is a definitive no. Someone who has narcissistic personality disorder has a lack of empathy for others.

Although this person may seem compassionate from time to time, this is all an act as a way to mask who he or she truly is from others.

Because the narcissist doesn’t feel emotions like others do, this person either can’t or won’t feel guilty for his or her words or actions. In fact, the narcissistic individual is unwilling to admit his or her mistakes.

In some cases, someone with narcissistic personality disorder will simply brush off how he or she has harmed you. You may hear excuses such as, “It wasn’t that bad” or “You’re being overly sensitive.”

The point is, the narcissist is never to blame.

In his or her mind, the narcissist may minimize his or her behavior. He or she may even justify what was said or done because it is a way for this person to get what he or she wants.

As long as it works, the narcissist is basically satisfied.

Ultimately, there is no regret for his or her actions.

Even if the person with a narcissistic personality disorder does begin to feel something that closely resembles remorse, this is seen as a sign of weakness, so it’s pushed aside as quickly as it comes.

6. What if the narcissist is sorry for his or her actions?

Any remorse or repentance for the wrongdoings of the narcissist is just an act. He or she may shower you with gifts or give you more positive attention after an argument.

While these acts of kindness may seem genuine at the time, this is all a part of the ploy to keep you in his or her control. You see, this individual doesn’t want to lose his or her source of narcissistic supply.

7. Will the narcissist stop hurting you?

As long as you’re meeting the needs of this person, he or she will continue to play the role of a regretful abuser once he or she realizes that this person has caused you pain just so that he or she doesn’t lose you as a source of supply.

However, even if things seem like they’re returning to the way you want, they won’t stay that way.

The narcissist has needs that must always be met. No matter how hard you try to bend to the will of this person, he or she will always want more.

This person will use you as a means to an end. Any feelings of love or care aren’t real and are only provided to keep you hanging on.

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