Top Lies Narcissists Tell: Six Common Lies Narcissists Tell
Dishonesty is one of the most common characteristics of narcissists. So let’s go together through the top lies narcissists tells.
Narcissists will tell all kinds of lies to promote their interests and maintain power over you.
The following are several lies that narcissists typically tell. They may not use each phrase verbatim, but their lies still have the same core messages.
1) “That didn’t happen”
In a relationship with a narcissist, you feel like you’re losing your mind. One of the reasons is their tendency to blatantly deny their own words and actions.
If they insulted you several minutes ago, they completely deny what they said.
If they promised you something a week ago, they fail to follow through and act as if they don’t know what you’re talking about.
They lose their temper and later tell you that they remain calm.
They claim that you’re mistaken, overly sensitive, or crazy without blushing.
These denials and accusations are part of a larger pattern of gaslighting, a tactic that undermines your confidence and sense of self.
Over time, you increasingly doubt your memories, question your interpretation of events, and worry about your sanity.
The narcissist’s denials aren’t always absolute. They sometimes acknowledge a particular action, but they downplay its severity.
They call an insult a joke or describe a raging tantrum as a bit of anger.
They aim to project an aura of innocence while portraying you as unstable and untrustworthy.
Providing evidence often makes no difference to them. They persist in denials and come up with rationalizations. They switch to a different topic and throw various accusations at you.
Evidence may only make a difference if you need to prove something to a third party or prove to yourself that your memory isn’t faulty.
2) “You’re lying to me”
Narcissists regularly use projection and accuse you of what they themselves do. Because they frequently lie to you, you can expect them to call you a liar.
It doesn’t matter if you’re telling them the truth. Their accusation doesn’t need a basis in reality, and they aren’t concerned about the pain they inflict by accusing you falsely.
Sometimes, they accuse you of lying after you complain about them. Their accusation derails your attempt at holding them accountable. You find yourself on the defensive, and they manage to evade responsibility.
Other times, they attack you without any warning. When you’re relaxing and enjoying a peaceful day, they hit you with the claim that you’re dishonest or untrustworthy.
They accuse you of cheating on them or lying about previous relationships. They tell you that you’ve falsified your credentials or taken credit for work that isn’t yours.
Maybe they claim that you’re stealing from their purse or lying about them to someone else.
When they pin different kinds of dishonest behavior on you, pay attention to the content of the accusations. They may be revealing something about themselves.
For example, if they accuse you of lying to them about an affair, are they telling you something about their unfaithfulness?
Are they having an affair or hoping to have one?
What complicates matters is that sometimes you do lie to the narcissist. You don’t always tell them the truth to cope with their abuse and avoid harm.
Maybe you lie about your hobbies, your whereabouts on various days, or your plans to change your career. Does that mean that they’re justified in calling you a liar?
The narcissist’s accusations aren’t justified at all. They’re trying to portray you as malicious, manipulative, or unreliable. In reality, you’re attempting to protect yourself from them.
Your motive is to keep them from hurting you even more. You’re trying to survive the relationship and reach a point where you can significantly limit your interactions with them.
3) “It’s all your fault”
Obviously, nobody is perfect. You make mistakes and sometimes don’t act in a way you can respect.
Sometimes you need to take responsibility for hurting someone or messing up.
But is the narcissist telling you that you have normal flaws? No.
The narcissist tries to make everything your fault. If they have a bad day at work, it’s your fault. If they forget to buy something at the grocery store, you’re responsible for their lapse in memory or lack of a shopping list.
If they take the wrong exit off the highway, get in an argument with a friend, or punch a hole through a wall, you’re somehow to blame.
In situations where you share some of the responsibility for a poor outcome, they lie and claim that you’re entirely responsible.
They also try to make you responsible for their dark moods and violent eruptions. No matter how much you tiptoe around them and try to keep the peace, you’re still at fault.
Narcissists can’t tolerate the idea of their imperfection. They hate admitting that they’ve made a mistake. If you’re currently golden to them, they may refrain from blaming you and will instead blame other people.
In any case, they aren’t being honest about who’s to blame.
4) “You can’t do anything right”
A narcissist tries to convince you that you’re incompetent to keep you dependent.
They don’t necessarily attack your competence in every area of life. But they undermine you enough to make you doubt your ability to live without them.
Even when you haven’t made a serious mistake, they find something inconsequential to amplify and criticize. They pretend a minor error is a damning sign of your incompetence.
They also outright lie, making up stories about how you botched a job or neglected your responsibilities.
When it serves their needs, they share these lies and distortions with other people. You wind up losing credibility. Both your self-image and public reputation sustain damage.
The narcissist creates a dynamic where you’re pleading with them and trying to prove your worth. You keep bringing them evidence that you’re reliable and competent, and you wait for their judgment.
This dynamic gives them power over you. It’s a power they shouldn’t possess because their judgments aren’t based on truth or fairness.
5) “No one else will love you”
To maintain control over you, the narcissist tries to make you feel alone in the world.
They disrupt your relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners through interference and dishonesty.
They want to be the center of your life. Whether they see you as a trophy, a servant, a scapegoat, or any combination of roles, your purpose is to serve their needs.
One way they try to make you feel alone is by convincing you that they’re the only ones who will ever love you or put up with you.
However, this claim is yet another lie. Can you honestly say that the narcissist loves you? They don’t behave in a genuinely loving way.
At times, they may show affection or possessiveness and say, “I love you.” But they typically don’t see you as your person or show empathy for you. They often treat you with contempt and cruelty.
Furthermore, the narcissist is lying about your potential to be loved. You may currently have people in your life who love and care about you.
Or you may develop such relationships in the future. Rather than telling the truth, the narcissist attempts to deprive you of hope.
6) “I know what’s best for you”
Whether you have a narcissistic parent or a narcissistic romantic partner, they like to claim that they know you better than anyone else does. Consequently, they know what’s best for you.
They use their supposedly deep knowledge as an excuse to control you. They tell you what to eat and wear, which relationships to break off or cultivate, and which jobs to quit or apply to.
What if you have ideas about your life? The narcissist knocks down anything they disagree with. Their underlying motive is to keep you under their thumb.
As such, they do what they feel is necessary to weaken your attempts at greater independence.
They ridicule you, mocking your intelligence and capabilities. They sabotage your efforts. They put on a show of great disappointment and try to make you feel guilty and ashamed.
Or they react with anger, filling you with fear.
Relying on the language of good intentions, they also tell you that what they’re saying or doing is for your own benefit. They convince you that you need their guidance and interference.
They warn you that disobeying them will result in disaster.
Sometimes, they prove that they know you well by throwing your past mistakes in your face. Secrets that you told them in moments of vulnerability get turned into weapons against you.
In this way, they simultaneously put you down and give you the impression that they know everything about you.
You need to reject the lie that they know you deeply. They know parts of you and various facts about your life. But you possess qualities that they dismiss or overlook.
You have a potential that they refuse to see because it doesn’t serve their interests to notice or nurture your capabilities. Their lies don’t define you.
