When a Narcissist Apologizes (8 Things to Consider)

In this guide, we’ll cover a number of interesting insights for when a narcissist apologizes. Let’s go!

Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by grandiose behavior, an entitlement complex, manipulation, lies, and a lack of empathy and concern for others.

This lack of empathy means that the narcissist never regrets his or her actions.

Saying that, it’s important to note that someone with a narcissistic personality disorder doesn’t feel bad about what his or her words or actions do to you.

However, this person may regret if what he or she does affects what the individual is gaining from you because of said behavior.

Consequently, everything a narcissist says and does is solely for his or her own benefit. This includes the act of apologizing.

You need to understand some things about apologies from those with narcissistic personality disorder.

1. A narcissist rarely apologizes.

The narcissistic individual can do no wrong in his or her eyes. Because of this, there’s no need for this person to give an apology for any reason.

When the narcissist does something wrong, it’s typically someone else’s fault. There’s always a valid reason in this person’s mind as to why words were spoken or actions were made.

Because someone with narcissistic personality disorder always finds a way to justify his or her actions, there’s really never a need to apologize for anything in this person’s mind.

It’s most likely that this person will place the blame on someone else. In this case, you might hear something along the lines of “It’s not my fault you did this.” You might even be told, “You made me do this.”

Rather than accept responsibility for his or her behavior, the narcissist is more likely to place blame on someone else.

The meaning behind this is that the individual only reacted because of something someone else did, so why should there be an apology at all?

Additionally, guilt and regret are seen as signs of weakness in the mind of a narcissist.

To acknowledge these negative emotions would require this person to admit that he or she isn’t better than anyone else, and the narcissist’s ego can’t handle that.

2. An apology may be a simple formality.

To get what he or she wants or to fit in with social norms to avoid being exposed as a narcissist, this person is highly adept at picking up on social cues and following what are considered to be societal norms.

This person might even expressly verbalize that he or she knows that you expect an apology from him or her.

This individual absolutely can realize when he or she has said or done something that others consider to be wrong.

In those cases, you might get an apology from a narcissist, but it will generally be worded with very little meaning.

3. The apology may not be verbal.

Since the narcissistic person feels no regret, he or she may not feel like an apology is necessary.

However, if this individual feels like he or she may lose the narcissistic supply that you provide, he or she may feel some kind of amends is in order.

Someone with a narcissistic personality disorder may surprise you with a gift.

Alternatively, he or she may offer to take you to your favorite place or engage in one of your favorite activities.

While such gestures are typically considered to be nice, this person is using it to be sure that he or she won’t lose the benefits that you have to offer.

In many of these cases, you’re likely to accept the gift because you may already know full well that you won’t get the apology that you deserve, In fact, you might consider this as the narcissist’s way of apologizing.

4. The narcissist doesn’t directly apologize for his or her behavior.

Rather than specifically admitting a mistake or wrongdoing, this person may appear to apologize for how you took the situation.

For example, this person may apologize for hurting you, but it’s actually because you’re too sensitive, misunderstood the situation, or some other excuse that backhandedly puts the blame back onto you.

This type of apology will typically sound like, “I’m sorry that you took things that way.”

Another line that you might here is “I only did this because you did that.” Again, this is the narcissist’s way of avoiding responsibility for any wrongful acts and placing the blame on you.

5. A narcissist’s apology is never sincere.

In addition to following social norms, the narcissist may, at times, offer what sounds somewhat like an apology.

However, this is not a true apology as this person doesn’t feel remorse for his or her actions.

The narcissist may learn to say just the words that you want to hear. You might even notice facial expressions or body gestures that make the apology appear to be real.

This is because the narcissist may be keenly aware of what an apology should look like, especially if this person feels that he or she may not have been successful with offering apologies in the past.

Consequently, if you know this person’s patterns of behavior or look very closely, you should be able to notice discrepancies in this person’s apology when compared to a true apology.

Although you might want to believe this person’s apology is real, the narcissist doesn’t really mean it.

6. The narcissist’s apology may be conditional.

Someone who has narcissistic personality disorder only does things that benefit him or her. When making an effort at an apology, this individual is doing so as a way to benefit himself or herself.

You might hear something like, “I’ll apologize if you will.”

While you may be tempted to give in and apologize to get things over with so that you can move forward, just remember that the narcissist still isn’t taking blame for his or her actions but is blaming you for the entire ordeal.

Another type of conditional apology begins with a sorry and is followed by a “but.” For instance, “I’m sorry I did this, but I wouldn’t have if had to if you hadn’t done that.”

Again, this half-hearted attempt at an apology puts the focus of the blame back onto you for the wrongdoing of the narcissist.

It’s important for you to remember that you don’t control the narcissist’s behavior, so you shouldn’t have to take the blame.

7. An apology may be a way to keep from losing you.

If you’ve been an excellent source of supply for the narcissist, this person may provide a sincere-sounding apology to keep from losing you or to get you back if you’ve already left.

Without supply, the narcissist is empty inside. This individual needs someone to manipulate and control, someone who will love them unconditionally.

These apologies often come with promises of change. You’re most likely to hear these during the initial stages of love-bombing or after a period of absence during hoovering.

8. Know what a true apology looks like.

A narcissist is great at saying words, especially words that he or she knows that you want to hear. However, someone with a narcissistic personality disorder isn’t likely to follow through on anything.

A true apology consists of the person admitting his or her wrong, genuinely being sorry about hurting you, and not doing the wrongful behavior again. This leads to change and growth in the relationship.

Ultimately, the narcissist doesn’t want to change and doesn’t even feel the necessity to change his or her way of being.

When getting an apology from a narcissist, it’s vital that you let this person’s actions speak louder than his or her words.