When a Narcissist Discards You: 8 Things That Happen When a Narcissist Discards You

If you’re part of a narcissist’s supply of gratification, you may be a part of that person’s life for days, months, or years.

How long you’re in the narcissist’s life depends on how useful you are to that person.

If you stop supplying the narcissist with the right amount of gratification, or if the narcissist finds a more gratifying supplier, you’ll be discarded.

That discarding can happen in cycles or just once.

Being discarded by anyone is hurtful, but remember that it’s not a reflection of your character or anything you did.

In many cases, being discarded by a narcissist is a good thing. It may mean that you’re standing up against abuse and prioritizing your wellbeing, which is smart.

It can also mean that you’re completely drained from the narcissist’s constant abuse and simply have nothing left to give.

The narcissist’s behavior will tell you when you’re about to be discarded. These are some hints to look for.

1. They treat you nice in public and are openly abusive in private

When a narcissist is almost ready to discard someone, they are more obvious with abusive treatment. Before that point, the abuse is more subtle, especially with covert narcissists.

Remember, a narcissist needs everyone else to keep admiring the image of the person they pretend to be, so a positive image to the public is still important.

You may attend a work function, party, or gathering that the narcissist wants to attend.

Around everyone else, they pretend to compliment you or dote on you. It may all be sunshine and rainbows until you’re alone together.

Their charisma turns into moodiness and anger. They may drink or seek other addictions to fill the emptiness left from you, no longer supplying the right amount of gratification.

If you want the narcissist to go somewhere that only benefits you and not them, forget it. They no longer need to impress you and will make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.

2. They won’t even fake empathy for you anymore

Narcissists go from fake or self-serving empathy to no empathy before they discard a person.

When you’re a fruitful supplier of the attention a narcissist needs, the value you provide earns you good treatment, at least when it suits the narcissist.

The narcissist used to buy you gifts or do special things to cheer you up when you were down. You may have felt important then.

Now, when you have a bad day, the narcissist acts like it’s burdensome to hear about it.

Even if you’re having the worst day of your life, the narcissist will make your day sound worse or get upset with you.

A narcissist will leave you feeling emptier and more alone than ever before at this point.

When you want to talk about something, you’ll only see the narcissist’s impatience, anger, or disgust.

3. They don’t care what you think anymore

When narcissists first trap a supplier, they care a lot about what the supplier thinks of them. They constantly seek approval and affirmation, giving them the assurance they need to think the false image they create is believable.

You notice that the narcissist no longer craves your approval and attention. The narcissist doesn’t do anything for you anymore. If you bring up the changes, you’re the bad person.

At this point, hostility and resentment are common. In the past, the narcissist used to try to manipulate you when you were upset or had a concern. Now, the narcissist could care less.

Since that person no longer relies on your approval, you’ll also notice that the narcissist won’t try to keep you around if you threaten to leave.

4. Your positive qualities have mysteriously turned into negative attributes

One of the reasons why narcissists are so good at making their victims feel confused and depressed is because they make them lose their sense of identity.

If the gaslighting and manipulation aren’t bad enough, they also distort the positive qualities of their victims.

The narcissist used to praise you for being smart, but now your intelligence makes you seem devious. Your love for fun attracted the narcissist, but now it’s cause for suspicion.

When you used to tell jokes, the narcissist laughed. Now, those same jokes are offensive or annoying.

Everything that used to seem normal or stable is now different. The flip in behavior is usually noticeable, and this is true even with a covert narcissist.

Although they’re usually good at being more subtle, they can’t hide their lack of interest when they’re done using you.

5. You’ve lost your importance or are being replaced

When narcissists find a better supply source, they focus their attention there. Perhaps the narcissist drained you, and you have nothing left to give.

Even if you’re still working hard to please the narcissist, they may have simply found someone else who’s a better gratifier.

If you’re in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, you may notice that the person spends more time away from home or ignores you.

If the narcissist is your friend, you may suddenly get the cold shoulder while the person starts hanging out with other friends. As a family member, you’ll notice that the narcissist becomes more distant.

It may start gradually. The narcissist used to cancel plans when there wasn’t anything in it for them, but now the person cancels anyway.

For example, even if you offer to throw a party for the narcissist, they may turn it down if they have a more satisfying supply source.

In some cases, the narcissist may discard you quickly to focus all their energy on a new supply source.

6. There is suddenly a lot of secrecy

This ties in with the previous point. When narcissists seek other attention sources, they often try to do it discreetly at first.

This is especially true with covert narcissists. Some overt narcissists may not be quite as sneaky.

The changes will be enough that you start to question them. If you’re a partner, the narcissist may suddenly lock a phone that they used to encourage you to use. The person may leave the room to take calls.

If you’re a friend or family member, the narcissist may suddenly have other places to go instead of spending time with you.

If you live with or are married to the narcissist, you may notice that the narcissist starts buying new clothes or is trying to look more attractive.

You may find jewelry or other gifts in the house that you didn’t buy. In romantic relationships, narcissists often need to ensure they have a reliable new supply source before discarding an old one.

8. They tear you down worse than ever

Narcissists can’t help their need to belittle others to make themselves look better. They need to make sure that their new supply source and potential sources see them as a victim.

To do this, the narcissist will likely create some stories about you.

You’ll hear rumors about yourself from mutual friends or acquaintances. The narcissist paints you to be a bad person at every turn. There may be embellishments of stories or flat-out lies.

To the narcissist, it doesn’t matter if they destroy your reputation.

When you try to confront a narcissist who’s tearing you down, expect silent treatment or hostility.

The narcissist doesn’t need to impress you anymore so they may see communication as a waste of time. Narcissists won’t try to fix relationships or problems.

Even though you want a meaningful and lasting relationship, the narcissist will only ever want consistent gratification.

8. They make you feel emptier and worse

Narcissists have a way of making their victims feel empty and alone, even in the early stages. Those feelings progress more and more as time passes. You’ll notice a sharp change in the severity of your aloneness or emptiness.

In the past, the narcissist gave you frequent compliments or affirmations. That helped ease some of the emptiness you felt from being marginalized.

Now, the narcissist doesn’t give you any compliments or affection. You only hear criticism or harsh words, or the narcissist may ignore you completely.

If you feel down in this situation, remember that the narcissist was attracted to your positive qualities. Also, narcissists are drawn to people they want to be like.

Those positive qualities that are still there in you are only being twisted by the narcissist. Since you want to please that person, the harsh words are certainly hurtful.

In many cases, narcissists return after they discard you. If your first reaction is relief or something positive, try to make yourself keep a distance.

Some people can get away from a narcissist after being discarded. When a narcissist sees an opportunity to return to use you, it only means more abuse and emotional turmoil for you.

Breaking the cycle while you can is something that you’ll thank yourself for in the future.

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