When a Narcissist Knows You Figured Them Out

It’s difficult being in a relationship with a narcissist. But once you’ve caught on to their game, things will get so much worse if you confront them.

This isn’t to say that you should stick it out quietly with the narcissist. On the contrary, when you’ve figured out that this person is a narcissist, you need to get away and cut off all contact as quick as you can.

If you decide to confront the narcissist about their behavior, be aware that things are going to get worse than they ever were for a while.

This is because the narcissist knows that their supply is gone, and like any addict, they’ll go into withdrawal mode. It won’t be pretty.

Additionally, if you attempt to expose the narcissist to their friends or family members, they may believe you at first. However, once the narcissist gets hold of them, you’ll be the one at fault in their eyes.

Before you decide to confront the narcissist in your life, you’ll need to know what you can expect to happen. Everyone’s different, even narcissists.

The narcissist in your life may exhibit some or all of these or may even react in some way with something not on this list.

Whatever happens, be prepared for the worst.

1. They’ll become angry.

A narcissist wants to be top of their game. Once they know that you’re onto them, they’ll most likely go into a fit of rage. While this is most likely to be done verbally, there’s a chance of physical abuse even if they haven’t been known for violence in the past.

The narcissistic personality hates being exposed for who they are. They’ve put so much effort into creating their charade that they can’t handle it when it all comes crashing down.

Additionally, they’ll be furious that you’re the one who’s leaving if that’s indeed what you’re doing, as they look forward to the narcissist’s discard.

Don’t confront the narcissist if you’re not planning on leaving and are just expecting them to change. They won’t. Ever. You also won’t get any closure or answers as to why they’ve treated you the way that they have.

2. You’ll be to blame.

As has been the way with your entire relationship with the narcissist, it will be you who’s at fault.

They’ll turn everything around to blame you through lies, gaslighting, and other manipulation tactics instead of taking responsibility for their part.

Narcissists have created an inner fantasy world where they’re superior to everyone else, making them blameless in all situations.

To compensate for your knowledge, they must become the victim while you’re suddenly the monster.

They’ll project all of their wrongdoings onto you so that you’re the bad guy, possibly even turning everything around to make you look like the narcissist.

3. They’ll try to regain control.

The narcissist will then try to get you back under control. While they know that you’ve figured them out, they’ll take one last stab at trying to convince you that things aren’t what you think.

They’ll want to see if they can convince you that you’re wrong and that you’ll still be there to give them their supply.

They may even begin love bombing you again to try to prove their point.

If the narcissist cannot convince you and you stand firm, be prepared for things to get worse quickly.

4. They’ll bait you.

In an attempt to get a rise out of you, they’ll provoke you. The narcissist will poke at you to get an emotional response.

Remember, this person knows everything about you, both good and bad, and has no problem pointing out your weaknesses and shortcomings.

They’ll do everything they can to devalue you and bring you down to their level. They’ll bring up every mistake you’ve ever made in your life to undermine your integrity.

Because any type of emotional response on your part is seen as still caring by the narcissist, it’s important to remain emotionless throughout the onslaught to avoid giving in to them.

5. They’ll run a smear campaign against you.

They’ll assassinate your character if you still stand firm and don’t admit you’re wrong. They’ll tell your mutual friends that the breakup was because of you since they’re always the victim.

They’ll lie and make up all kinds of stories about you so that others in your life begin to question if you’re the one telling the truth or not. Even those closest to you might turn on you based on their lies.

The narcissist will work hard to get everyone mad at you and on their side.

Be prepared for everyone to know about all of the skeletons in your closet, real or made up, because the narcissist simply doesn’t care about you or what happens to you when you’re no longer supplying their needs.

6. They may blackmail you or sabotage your life.

In many cases, the narcissist has no qualms about destroying you in every way possible. They might blackmail you to admit that you were wrong and to provide them with an apology.

They could find a way to sabotage your employment, causing you to lose your job. If you share resources, they’ll take all your money or damage your property. They don’t care if you’re homeless, destitute, and alone.

What the narcissist cares about at this point is vindication.

7. They’ll give you the silent treatment.

If all of this has become too much for you and you try to contact the narcissist to stop, your attempts will be ignored. Phone calls, messages, or attempts through third parties will be ignored.

If you try to make contact, the narcissist again has the upper hand. They’ll string you along with the silent treatment until they feel like you’ve learned your lesson or that they’ll be able to renew their supply with you.

The point is that they’ll only communicate with you on their terms and when they’re ready.

8. They’ll try to get you back.

Remember, everything has to be on the narcissist’s terms. They’re the one who does the discarding, not you. They’ll begin their hoovering tactics to suck you back into the nightmare.

The narcissist may act like nothing ever happened so that things can return to how they were before the confrontation. They might even apologize if they feel it’s necessary, though it won’t be sincere.

They may love to bomb you or do whatever is necessary to win you back. Because narcissist knows your weaknesses, they’ll say and do the right things. This is not real. It’s all an act.

9. They won’t let you move on.

Oftentimes, the narcissist will keep tabs on you once you’ve broken up, whether it was you or them who left. They don’t want you to be happy. They can’t stand to find out that you’ve moved on.

What the narcissist wants if for you to be miserable and wait around so they can come back into your life for supply whenever they desire.

It doesn’t matter if it’s weeks, months, or even years; you’re supposed to be pining over them continually.

They’ll try to get you back. It’s never over with the narcissist until you make it over.

Should you confront the narcissist?

Even though it’s essentially up to you, it’s not a good idea to confront the narcissist or out them to their friends. It’s only going to end badly for you, and they’re not going to change or take responsibility.

Rather, your best bet is to go no contact with the narcissist.

If you can’t go any contact due to shared children or because the narcissist is a close family member, learn how to set boundaries and avoid being manipulated by them again.

Try to remain emotionless through brief interactions. The less time you give the narcissist, the less chance you have to be manipulated or sucked in again.

Avoid discussing the narcissist with anyone other than very close, trusted sources. If the information gets back to them, this could ignite their wrath or give them an opening to get back into your life.

Get help from a skilled therapist. You can learn coping skills and how to set the necessary boundaries with the narcissist to keep you safe and well.

Support groups are another great source that you might want to look into. You might be amazed at how similar the stories of others in your group are.

Knowing that you’re not the only one who’s gone through this hell is beneficial for you to move forward with your life.

Can a gifted therapist help you too?

If you struggle with anxiety, depression, high-stress levels, relationship issues, or other specific challenges, one-on-one support from a therapist can help a lot.

You don’t need to go through this alone. There’s no shame in getting help!

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