Going No Contact with a Narcissist

When you’ve finally had enough of a narcissist’s abusive behavior, it’s time to get away from that person for good.

This means that you’ll want to establish perhaps the most important boundary you’ll ever make, and that is no contact.

Although you may have boundary issues yourself, which is probably one of the reasons why the narcissist targeted you, this is one boundary that you must work hard never to overlook.

Why the No-Contact Rule Must Be Followed

After you’ve decided to leave the narcissist for good, that individual will likely do everything he or she can to get you back.

Remember, you had been providing the narcissist with his or her supply, the fuel he or she needs to feel powerful and important in life.

Your ex may not try to contact you right away. He or she might think that you’ll come running back on your own, or that person may ignore you as a way to punish you for leaving the relationship.

However, at some point, the narcissist will try to get you back into a relationship, especially if the two of you have spent quite a bit of time together or you’ve left before but agreed to re-engage in a relationship with him or her again in the past.

Once the narcissist makes contact, this person can use his or her charm to get you back into an abusive relationship. Remember, this person most likely knows exactly what to say or do to draw you back in again.

It’s important to remember that no matter what this person says or does, he or she will not change.

Rather than be drawn back into the roller-coaster ride, establishing no contact with that individual is the only way to keep yourself safe.

What Does No Contact Mean?

When you have no contact with a narcissist, you will have no contact with that person whatsoever. There is no reason for you to speak with that individual.

It’s natural for ex-partners to contact you or vice versa to return property and things like that. However, you must not follow the traditional end-of-relationship dance once you leave the narcissist.

If that person has something of yours, forget about it. You may have to replace it, but you do not want to give this person an opening to come back into your life.

The same goes for if you have something that belongs to that person. Don’t hang onto it as you’re mourning the loss of the relationship, and don’t try to contact that person to give the item back.

It’s best to toss any reminders of that person in the trash and do it as soon as possible.

You must avoid all contact. This means that there should be no phone calls, text messages, social media contact, and no meeting in person, whether in public or private.

Unfortunately, you may have become quite close to a friend or family member of the narcissist, but you will have to cut off ties with those people because the narcissist will use them to get to you.

One of the main reasons you may want to talk with the narcissist is to gain closure. You may want to know why this person did what he or she did to you or why he or she left you.

This is natural. However, you must realize that you will have to create closure alone. The narcissist doesn’t want to have a permanent goodbye.

This person wants to be able to come back to you any time he or she needs the fix you provided.

Even if the narcissist promises to answer all of your questions if you just talk with or meet him or her, know that this is just a lie.

This person will not tell you the truth but will make up a story that will have you feeling sorry for him or her to the point that you will wait around for things to work out.

Additionally, no contact should include what you do following the breakup.

This means that you should do everything in your power to avoid thinking about the narcissist, whether daydreaming about a possible future someday or even about dealing revenge for what that person has done to you.

You must avoid all types of contact with the narcissist to avoid the hoovering tactics that will just suck you back into that hell.

What to Expect from the Narcissist When You Go No Contact

In most cases, the narcissist will try to get you back. This person doesn’t mind being broken up, it’s just that he or she wants to be the one to end the relationship on his or her terms.

In fact, this person is likely to tell everyone that he or she is the one who broke up with you and not the other way around.

The longer you maintain no contact, the worse it could get for a while. Your ex may start to stalk you on social media, through third parties, or in person.

You will want to block all of this person’s social media accounts and phone numbers. Don’t accept new friend requests from people you don’t know, and, for a while at least, don’t answer calls from numbers that you aren’t familiar with.

If the narcissist somehow weasels his or her way through, hang up the phone immediately without responding and block additional social media accounts as needed.

When initial means to contact you fail, the narcissist may turn to other people to do his or her bidding.

If a mutual friend or someone else starts trying to get you to at least just even talk with the narcissist, you may have to go no contact with that person as well.

Perhaps the narcissist will begin to send or leave you gifts. These may show up at your house or at your work. You may find a gift in or on your car.

You may be tempted to keep whatever you receive, but it’s best if you just toss it out without even opening it if it’s sealed or wrapped.

As those attempts to suck you back in fail, the narcissist will likely begin to stalk you. This person may show up at your house, your place of employment, or other establishments you frequent.

You might find this person waiting for you in a parking lot as you leave a place. This can be especially problematic if it begins to happen where you work.

After all of these attempts have failed to get you to break your no contact, the narcissist may try to hurt you by spreading lies and gossip about you to ruin your reputation.

How to Protect Yourself from the Narcissist

Although all of the narcissist’s tactics to get you back may sound frightening, it will be worse to stay stuck in the relationship cycle with this abuser.

No matter what, maintain no contact whatsoever with the narcissist.

Establish a support network that includes a therapist if necessary. A therapist can guide you in the right direction on holding strong to your no-contact boundary.

Enlist the help of coworkers and friends. If your ex shows up somewhere, stay inside, and don’t go out to deal with this person. Have a trusted friend or coworker tell the narcissist to leave. Call the police if necessary.

If you notice gifts, you may want to have someone close to you get rid of them for you so that you’re not tempted to open them.

Keep a journal of when you notice the narcissist stalking you. A list of dates and times may be necessary to get a restraining order if the narcissist is persistent in his or her attempts to contact you.

Whatever you do, don’t confront the narcissist, even if it’s just to tell that person to leave you alone.

Any contact will give the narcissist the idea that his or her ploys are working, and this individual will only amp up efforts to speak with or see you again.

Don’t have one of your friends or coworkers relay messages to the narcissist from you. This is also a form of contact that will just encourage the narcissist to use that person to get to you.

If someone has to tell the narcissist to leave, especially where you work, that person just has to tell the narcissist that he or she is trespassing, is not welcome there, and needs to leave.

Remember, the only way to get rid of a narcissist for good is by going no contact. It won’t be easy, but you can do this with the proper support and mindset.

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