Are you interested in how to handle being ghosted? Then this guide is for you!
Many of us have been ghosted at some point. Perhaps you got to know someone a little, instantly fell in love and suddenly stopped hearing from that person. It hurt.
Maybe you had a best friend with whom you shared all your secrets and thoughts, and suddenly your friend stopped talking to you. It can happen with family members too. It always hurts.
Being ghosted can feel like a slap in the face since the ghoster usually gives no explanation. It feels like an attack on your personality, values and everything else that makes you unique, but you don’t know why.
First, you’re not the one with the problem. Ghosting someone is an unhealthy way to deal with personal problems, opinion differences or anything really.
Now, we’ll look at some ways to help you deal with and move on from being ghosted.
1. Admit that it hurts
We’re all human, and ghosting is painful to all of us. It’s ok to admit that it hurts.
As humans, we have a natural defense mechanism that may push us to tell ourselves it’s ok and we’ve got this. But we hurt. We really do.
Once you admit that it hurts, you can start to explore your feelings and take steps to let it go. After you let go and move on, it really does stop hurting.
In fact, when you grow from ghosting or any other poor behavior choice of someone else, you become stronger.
You may even start to feel sorry for that person since their poor choices will probably always make their life miserable unless they figure out how to change.
2. Give yourself the sympathy and care that you deserve
It’s hard to find a deep level of sympathy, especially from others who haven’t been ghosted. Even if they have, it may be a painful memory for them.
The best sympathy giver in this situation will be yourself.
Write about your feelings. Sing about them. Express your emotions however you feel comfortable.
Analyze your thoughts, focus on what you’re saying that’s making you feel negative and give yourself some mental sympathy.
Try to make a habit of reassuring yourself every time you feel down or start to develop negative thoughts about yourself.
If you question yourself because you were ghosted, shut down that negative chatter in your mind with sympathy and compassion for yourself.
3. Talk to someone you trust and someone who understands
If it makes you feel better, you can talk to a friend or family member.
Let’s face it – our friends don’t always truly understand what we’re going through. You may even feel ashamed to talk to friends about being ghosted.
It does help to talk to someone, and you can always schedule an appointment with a counselor for talk therapy to just vent.
It really helps to talk to an understanding professional who you know won’t have any judgment.
4. Take good care of yourself
Take care of yourself while you work on healing. Buy yourself those shoes you always wanted but talked yourself out of.
Take a day off work for a mental health care day. Go to a spa, go fishing, go hiking or try something new that you always wanted to do. Treat yourself good because the person who ghosted you sure as heck didn’t.
It’s easy for some people to fall into depression after being ghosted. It feels like one of the worst forms of rejection to many of us.
Don’t let yourself get to that point if possible. Because you deserve to be happy, make a proactive plan for yourself.
Be sure to include nutritious food, exercise, sunshine and time with good people who are sensible enough to love you for who you are.
5. Shut down the rotten “ame” twins
Think of shame and blame as the demon twins that try to attack your mental health. Imagining them as an entity can help you give them the negative appearance they deserve.
When we’re ghosted by someone we love or admire, we question ourselves. “What did I do wrong?” “Am I a bad person?”
Those negative questions lead to self-doubt. We rarely ask ourselves, “Hey, what the heck is wrong with the person who ghosted me?” “Is that person doing something bad?”
We often jump to the conclusion that there’s something unlikable about ourselves, and we feel ashamed.
The person may have ghosted you because they’re hiding something they’re ashamed of and don’t want you to know. The person may have ghosted you because they’re doing something bad and feel like you deserve someone better.
Usually, the reality isn’t what we cook up in our minds that leads to self-shame and self-blame. So, we shouldn’t let those toxic twins live rent-free in our minds.
Even if you don’t take any other steps, please kick those horrid “ame” twins out anytime they show up.
6. Let it all go
This won’t happen overnight. Letting go of the fact you’ve been ghosted takes time.
It may take one person a week. It may take another person a couple months.
Don’t let people push you and make you feel uncomfortable that you’re still grieving. We all grieve over major losses, not just death.
We all experience things and perceive things differently, and that’s completely ok. Tell yourself it’s ok to grieve as you need to and move on at your own pace.
However, if you find that you’re unable to let go, please talk to a counselor. A counselor can teach you some great strategies for moving on, letting go and living the fuller and happier life you deserve.
Once you do let go, you’ll start to feel much better. You may even feel better than you ever did before. Why? Because you grew, learned and got stronger.
7. Get to know yourself again
After you go through any form of loss, it’s helpful to get to know yourself again. This is especially true if you were ghosted in a romantic relationship that lasted for a while.
You may discover talents you never knew you had. As your explore your thoughts and emotions, you’ll find strength you probably didn’t know you had.
Be sure to focus on the positive things you learned and positive attributes about yourself. Once you get to know yourself again, you’ll feel a lot better.
8. Build your resilience and self-confidence
After you get to know yourself, you’ll also be more confident. Once you’re confident and comfortable with who you are, and you’ve gone through the experience of being ghosted, you’ll be more resilient if it happens again.
A lot of people do terrible things to other people, like just stopping talking to them with no explanation. As you build your resilience and self-confidence, you can become one of the better people who doesn’t do that.
Since you know the pain of ghosting, you’ll be caring enough to someone else that if you have to end a relationship, you’ll communicate your reasons or feelings.
In terms of relationships, you’ll also have the ability to identify genuine and good people better in the future.
All these steps can help you form stronger and healthier relationships moving forward.
Can a gifted therapist help you too?
If you struggle with anxiety, depression, high-stress levels, relationship issues, or other specific challenges, one-on-one support from a therapist can help a lot.
You don’t need to go through this alone. There’s no shame in getting help!
Thousands of people get tailor-made support from a kind, empathetic, helpful therapist when faced with difficult life situations.
I recommend BetterHelp, which is a sponsor of Personality Unleashed.
It’s private, affordable, and takes place in the comfort of your own home.
Plus, you can talk to your therapist however you feel comfortable, whether through video, phone, or messaging.
Are you ready to break the negativity cycle?
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