How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Are you interested in how to stop being a people pleaser?

It sure is nice when everyone around you is happy. Consequently, you might feel great about being needed by so many people. Unfortunately, if this is the case, you probably have trouble saying no even when you should.

While it can be good to sometimes put others before yourself, you shouldn’t be doing this all of the time. Your wants and needs are just as important as those of everyone else.

It’s time to stop using up all of your energy and resources for everyone else. You don’t have to worry what others might think if you say no, and you certainly don’t have to rely on others for validation.

Stop overloading yourself with the requests of others and get on your way to better wellness and mental health by granting yourself the love you’ve so willingly shared with others.

There are several things that you can actively do to reduce the excess you give to others that ends up hurting you in the process by taking away what you need for yourself.

1. Set Boundaries

When obliging a request is going to put you out in some way, it’s better just to come out and say no. Start small if you must. After some practice, it will get easier.

If the request is something that isn’t going to cause you too much of your time or resources, it’s fine to say yes as long as you’re doing it for yourself and not just to make someone else happy or keep them from getting mad.

2. Know That You Have a Choice

You have every right to refuse any request for any reason.

If someone pressures you or asks for some reason as to why you don’t want to do something, you can choose to tell them why, or you can simply tell them that it will be too much for you at this time then let it go.

3. Practice Your Way to No

If you’re having a hard time straight up telling someone no or you end up feeling bad and changing your mind, you might need to work your way up to it.

One way to do this is to tell the person that you’ll get back to them on their request. Delaying allows you to think more about if giving in is really the right answer in that case or not.

Buying time also allows you to respond with a gracious no through text, message or email so that you don’t have to struggle in person.

The more that you say no to the requests of other people, the more time you’ll have to spend on the things that are truly important to you.

4. Avoid Excuses

When you make excuses for why you can’t do something for someone else, it gives that person an opening to further press the matter.

This is your time and your resources, and frankly, you can do what you want with them without having to answer to anyone else.

Additionally, how you word your rejection can save you a lot of grief or struggle. Rather than say that you can’t do something, it’s better to say that you don’t want to.

If you can’t, the other person may try to pressure you with reasons as to why you actually can.

In the same token, you don’t have to apologize for not giving into someone’s request. Again, it’s your time and resources that will be used here; it’s best to use them on something important.

5. Set Your Priorities

When you know what you want to get out of life, it’s easier to tell someone no when the request will interfere with you reaching your goals.

Learn how to make both short-term and long-term goals and the steps that you’ll need to take to succeed. Go over your list every week so you’re well aware of what you need to spend your time and resources on.

This can help make it easier to say no.

6. Choose Your Yes Scenarios Wisely

There’s nothing wrong with agreeing to a request now and again if it’s something that you’ll really enjoy doing. If you have the time and the resources, there’s no reason to say no to everything.

The point here is to start saying no to those requests that will take away from yourself.

Additionally, the person with the request may have a lot to do with whether you should start sticking with no more frequently.

For example, you may want to agree to something for your best friend or your closest relative.

However, there’s probably some people in your life who are taking advantage of your generosity and good nature. These toxic people may try to flatter you or pressure you into doing things you’d rather not do.

It’s time to stand up to those people. In fact, your first no might be easier if you learn to cut out request from toxic others in your life.

Don’t worry about what they might think or do if you say no. Since they’re toxic, they’re not really worth your time and effort anyway.

7. Work on Self Validation

If you have low self-esteem or feel the need to be validated by someone else, it’s time to take matters into your own hands.

Only you can decide to feel validated or not. Take some time several times a day to remind yourself how worthy you are. This may be difficult if you’re used to negative self-talk, but you’ll get the hang of it.

Additionally, remind yourself that saying no to others allows you more freedom and time for yourself and what matters the most to you. There’s certainly nothing wrong with allowing yourself some self care. In fact, you probably could use more of it at this point.

9. Keep a Record of Your Successes

When you’re able to say no to a request that you don’t really want to do, give yourself a pat on the back. Start a journal and write it down.

Every time that you say no without making excuses or apologizing, this shows that you’re on your way. The more that you do this, the more confident you’ll become.

Greater confidence will help you to say more to more requests in the future and will help to boost your self-esteem even more.

10. Understand That It’s Impossible to Be Everything to Everyone

In the grand scheme of everything, the only feelings and thoughts that you’re able to change are yours.

Try all you want, but you can’t change the way that others think and feel. While you might be able to brighten someone’s day from time to time, you can’t make anyone else happy.

Your time and resources are valuable. It’s time that you only used them on the things that matter to you and what will help you to accomplish your goals and dreams. If a request will interfere with that, it’s time to say no.

Remember that you can’t please everyone, so don’t waste your time trying.

11. Practice Assertiveness

If you’re still having trouble saying no, now might be a good time to get some type of assertiveness training. You can read articles about being more assertive, attend seminars, or you may even want to go to some type of counseling.

Whatever you decide, it’s time you start living your life for you and stop giving it away for the benefit of everyone else.