How to Stop Negative Self-Talk
Are you interested in how to stop negative self-talk?
Negative self-talk is one of the most toxic things for your mental health. It can skew your perceptions on reality, yourself, others and everything around you.
Before we dive into some strategies to stop this lethal mind chatter, let’s review what it looks like to help you better identify it.
There are four components, including filtering, personalizing, polarizing and catastrophizing.
Filtering happens when you pick out the negatives of a situation and ignore the positives.
Personalizing happens when you blame yourself for something negative, even if it has nothing to do with you sometimes.
Polarizing is when you only see things as very bad or very good, and there’s no room for things being just ok or what they are. Catastrophizing is when you always expect the worst in everything.
Combine all four, and it’s easy to see how negative self-talk makes life miserable. Now, let’s look at how you can kick that chatter to the curb.
1. Develop self-awareness of your thoughts
This takes practice, so be kind and patient with yourself. However, the first and most important step to overcoming negative self-talk is being able to catch it.
To help yourself become more aware, you can use one or more strategies. Some people prefer to write in a journal. Others prefer to take multiple time-outs during the day to reflect.
However you decide to pour out and explore your thoughts, be sure to think carefully about them and study them. Take notes.
Self-awareness helps you learn more about yourself. If you have difficulty with this first step, please reach out to a mental health professional.
Therapists use cognitive behavior therapy to help people identify the reasons or causes of their thoughts and actions.
They use another form of CBT called dialectical behavior therapy, which helps people change or modify negative behaviors and thoughts.
2. Challenge your negative thoughts
Remind yourself that your thoughts are just that – thoughts. They aren’t always reality. Sometimes, it can be hard to separate the two.
This is when you really have to think critically. For example, you might start mentally beating yourself up if you feel angry about a situation that’s beyond your control that led to an argument with family members.
Despite the argument, you let your family members have their way. Maybe it makes you feel like a bad person to think the thoughts you did. In the end, all your family members saw was that you did as they wanted.
That doesn’t mean you’re bad. You’re human, and it’s ok to experience a range of emotions.
The key is to not let your thoughts or emotions define your self-image.
3. Replace the negative thoughts with positive ones
If you keep a journal or notes about your negative thoughts, think about how you can turn them into positive ones.
For example, if a frequent negative thought relates to your appearance, write some things you like about yourself. Maybe you have fantastic hair. Perhaps it’s something else.
Learn how to praise the good in yourself or the good things you do. In the last point, we talked about an example of arguing with family members but submitting to their wants.
In that instance, maybe your thoughts were negative and you let those outshine the fact that you sacrificed what you wanted to keep your family members happy. Remember, actions speak louder than words.
Focus on the positive things you do and positive aspects of yourself.
4. Think outside your own mind
This is definitely easier said than done, but you can do it with some practice. When you catch yourself in a cycle of negative thoughts, take a step back.
Think from the perspective of someone who loves and appreciates you. What would that person tell you?
It could be your parent, a sibling, a best friend or a colleague, depending on the nature of the thoughts.
For example, you may be telling yourself that you’re never going to succeed in a certain task or type of project.
Your colleague may always tell you how talented and diligent you are, but you might not appreciate the truth if you’re only focusing on negative thoughts.
When you think from the perspective of someone who knows and appreciates you, it’s possible to develop a more realistic perspective.
5. Name your inner critic
Once you start to catch and identify the self-critical thoughts, pick a name for your inner critic.
This can help you separate your negative thoughts from reality as an entity. Think of your inner critic as another person.
We’ve all seen the little cartoons with a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. This is the little devil.
When those thoughts start rolling, remind yourself that it’s just “Critical Calvin” or whatever name you pick. Enlist your positive thoughts to go to battle with the inner critic.
6. Talk about your thoughts
Whether your thoughts seem minimally annoying or endlessly torturous, it helps to talk about them. You can talk to a friend if you just want to vent.
However, it’s always best to talk to a counselor. A professional can give you more personalized advice for specific situations or unique factors in your life.
Letting out your negative thoughts is healthy and can help you replace them with more positive ones. A therapist may also recommend music therapy, writing therapy or another form of therapy that helps you express and discover your thoughts and emotions.
7. Box up your thoughts for later
Sometimes, there are situations in life that make negative thoughts harder to dismiss. You may want to explore them and address them, but you just don’t have the time or mental energy right now.
Maybe you have a work deadline or something serious to focus on for a few days.
That’s ok too. If you need to explore them further, turn them into notes. No, really – literally write them on a piece of paper.
Put the paper in a box, set it aside and mentally force yourself to remove your focus from those thoughts. Now that they’re written down, you can go back to them as soon as you have time.
The key here is to not let negative thoughts prevent you from doing what you urgently need to do.
8. Focus on relaxation and the present
Mindfulness helps you control your thoughts and the directions they take. Negative self-talk is often associated with stress, anxiety and other unpleasant emotions.
Try to find ways to help yourself relax and feel good. Yoga, meditation, working out or spending time with people you like being around can help.
Be open to humor. Find enjoyment in every part of life that you can.
Develop a new hobby. Find ways to express yourself, your thoughts and your creativity. When you do that and practice the previous steps to help you simultaneously combat negative self-talk, you’ll feel much better.
These steps all take time to develop and turn into habits. Just be patient.
As you keep practicing and being conscientious, you’ll see positive changes start to happen in your life and your thought patterns.
Positive thinking can boost your mental health, help you stay motivated to maintain physical health and foster better spiritual health.