Enneagram 4 and 3 Relationship

Are you interested in the Enneagram 4 and 3 relationship? This guide is for you!

Enneagram Type 4 – The Individualist Romantic

Loner, Tragic-Romantic, Expert about the finer things in life,  Humanitarian, Pays attention to appearance, Unique Dramatic Queen or King.

Enneagram Type 3 – The Achiever Who Succeeds

Ace performer, highly charismatic, motivational presence, role model, Best of the best, Idealist

Core Patterns

Fours belong to the Heart triad. They are individuals who deeply feel all the pain and joy of the universe, as well as their own stories. 

Fours have the strong ability both to appreciate and to create beauty. 

These individuals are prone to drama and often feel as though no one understands them.  

Like Fours, the Threes also belong to the Heart triad. They are confident individuals driven toward achieving their goals, especially in business.

Achieving excellence at all things is one of their goals.

Image and public perception are at the forefront of type Three’s forefront. This type also tends to view life and business from a positive perspective. 

Shared Values 

Both enneagram type Four and type Three desire to be noticed, approved of, and appreciated by others, although each type has a different motivation for this. 

Both types are emotion-driven individuals who count on their unconscious responses to situations to drive them. 

They form an energetic pairing, and both are noted for their sense of style and appreciation for the finer aspects of life.

Type Fours and Type Threes share inner attractions that seem to draw each the other, as though by magic or a strong emotional magnet. 

How Type Fours and Type Threes Compliment One Another

These two types form a good match because what one lacks is provided by the other, and together, they complete the circle or form a whole emotional unit. 

Even though the other person may not know it, both of these types tend to sit in silence and compare him or themselves to other people, judging each’s deficiencies, as well as or her own superiority in certain areas.

Threes can balance out the tempestuous nature of Fours, and Fours can enhance their relationships with Threes by providing comforting aspects to their often self-critical upsets. 

Threes can quell any feelings of depression or low energy experienced by Type Fours by sharing their natural abilities to coach and manage behavior.  They can also help Type Fours by providing a sense of ambition and hope for their union with their skills for practical goal setting.

Fours can teach the sometimes self-effacing Type Threes to look at themselves with new perspectives by suggesting ways in which Type Threes might better process their inner emotions. 

Since unrealized automatic reactions and unconscious feelings are often the motivating forces behind both Type Fours and Type Threes, their relationships together can be very passionate and intense.

Both of these types often focus on their images or the images of their associates and concern themselves with how they are perceived by others. 

By doing so, they generate motivational energy that propels them forward through both positive and negative issues that may arise. 

Problems Often Faced by Type Fours and Type Threes Together

There are times when a lack of self-esteem can dominate the narrative of a relationship between a Type Four and a Type three. 

This causes both parties to vie for validation and attention from people outside of their relationships. 

Both types can be insecure and have identity issues, and suffer negative emotions that are associated with self-perceived feelings of worthlessness and shame. 

While each party may not be aware of it, both Type Fours and Type threes tend to continually compare themselves to other people without mentioning it. 

Both can be quite competitive, too, creating a double cocktail for occasional disaster.  

While Type Fours and Type Threes can possess some narcissistic qualities, the degree of each’s internal wounding determines the degree to which problems will manifest and develop.

They do not necessarily experience these things at the same time, which can create an imbalance when one party views of recognition from outside while his or her partner is focused on the relationship. 

Although it will not necessarily happen, this aspect of their relationship can occasionally lead to infidelity or betrayal. 

Threes are the ones who openly seek the attention that Fours only dream of having, causing the Type Fours to feel shut out or ignored, whether or not it is happening. 

Fours can feel overwhelmed by the different types of energy that Type Threes display, which is less subtle than their own. 

A frequent area of difficulty lies in each of these types having an unrealistic view of the other.

Each views the other through a lens of fantasy based on what he or she needs, expects, and wants of the other. 

For instance, Type Four individuals tend to view Type Three partners as the answers to all their problems, there to rescue them, while Type Threes may view Type Fours as being particularly brilliant creators, whether or not they are. 

They also view them as sexual trophies that enhance Type Three’s desirability or attractiveness toward others. 

Things Type 4 and Type 3 Pairings Should Be Aware Of 

Each Type 4 and Type 3 involved in a relationship with the other should be aware of the inward/outward dichotomy between them that can make or break the relationship. 

While Type Fours are more concerned with their deepest inner feelings, Type 3 individuals place their focus more on that which is outside of themselves, such as their abilities and drive to succeed, especially at work. 

They can over-schedule their time, while Type Fours are more apt to appear withdrawn. 

Misunderstood, this can cause conflicts.

Understood, it can lead to an amazingly harmonious union. 

The key lies in open and honest communication with one another. 

Fours can be prone to holding feelings in until they finally burst forth in a cloud of frustration. 

If misunderstood, Threes can view these events as overly-dramatic responses, especially when they happen due to Three’s busy schedule. 

Fours can view Threes as intentionally planning things that interfere with their time together rather than scheduling as part of one’s normal job.

If these issues are not addressed up front, they can lead to disharmony in the relationship.  

Fours should be acknowledged,  and also practice taking a step backward to enable Threes to feel free to accomplish things freely and without impediments. 

Fours should approach this without envy or jealousy and be open to time without a Type Three partner while he or she is doing his or her work. 

Type Threes, on the other hand, should be aware that their Type Four partners may be quiet and withdrawn for reasons that have nothing to do with their Type Three partners and that this should never be taken to heart as a personal slight. 

Type Fours need free reign to feel withdrawn and not forced or coerced to be forthcoming about their interior process until they are ready. 

Both of these types seek special treatment, but in different ways. 

Both types need to learn to understand these aspects of their partner’s personality. With this awareness comes a heightened connection between the two.

If ever a Type 3 and Type 4 union were to turn out to be a “power couple”, gaining an understanding of the ways of the other is the way to achieve this.  

Balancing Type 4 and Type 3 Pairings

The Type 3 person, who enjoys high achievement, and the Type 4, who is more of a loner, take completely different approaches to life. 

One could view it as the Type 3 seeking to find their identity by viewing things from the outside to the inside, and the 4 taking the exact opposite path.

When the two are in tune with one another, this aspect of their personalities can have a balancing effect that can result in added harmony and pleasant serenity in the relationship.  This, in turn, offers the couple ample opportunities for growth potential. 

The Type 3 individual exudes confidence and dedication to setting and achieving goals, as previously noted.

Their self-discipline, polish and practical focus on what they can accomplish is a part of their personalities that is engrained. 

They view organization and efficiency with great importance and demonstrate to their Type 4 partners ways that their partners can move forward, even during challenging times. 

On the other hand, Their Type 4 partners are better able to articulate their feelings and can help Type 3s to be more realistic in their dealings with the world and the other people in it.

This can enhance the Type 3 person’s personal life, but more importantly (to him or her) is the positive effect it can have on their professional lives. 

For the Type 3 person, learning things such as empathy, compassion, and how to feel open-hearted toward others does not come naturally.

Still, the balance that their Type 4 partners impart can help propel them ahead professionally and cause them to be more dedicated to the other person as a partner, love interest, or friend.  

When Type 4s and Type3s become more self-aware and accepting of their opposite ways of approaching their individual world views, this can create a pair that, indeed, completes and keeps one another in balance. 

With work, when their differences are understood better, and each learns to respect the other, it is much more likely that a deep, long-lasting symbiotic match will result.


At first glance, one might surmise that two personality types so diametrically opposite one another might be a recipe for disaster.

The opposite is true.  This is a case the couple can most likely achieve the utmost well-balanced, harmonious relationship. 

Enneagram Type 4 Compatibility with Other Types

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