Enneagram 4 and 4 Relationship

Are you interested in the Enneagram 4 and 4 relationship? This guide is for you!

Enneagram Type 4  – The Individualist Romantic

Humanitarian, Individualist, Drama Queen or King, Connoisseur, Tragic Romantic

Core Pattern

Enneagram Type 4 personalities belong to the Triad of the Heart. These individuals feel every nuance of the joy and pain experienced by the world as a whole. 

They also feel all the implications that pertain to them personally.

Type 4 individuals have an uncanny talent for recognizing, appreciating, and creating beauty in whatever forms it may take. 

These people are prone to drama and often characterize themselves as being misunderstood by others. 

While there is no perfect pairing among enneagram couples, a Double Four pairing is probably the closest to perfect a match can be. 

Value Systems

Type 4 individuals tend to have a lot of care and compassion in their psychological makeup. They also tend to have strong morals, value systems, and expectations. 

They are known for demonstrating empathy toward others, especially those people to whom they are close and love. 

They aren’t afraid to show their vulnerability and tend to be encouraging towards the self-expression of others. 

Type 4s tend not to be judgmental toward their fellow human beings and to value creativity, kindness, and caring traits in the people around them. 

However, there is a downside to their value systems. 

Both people in a Double Four pairing can be prone to depression. 

When it is severe and off-balance, in terms of one person being depressed when the other isn’t, the entire relationship can be chaotic.

Value systems become blended, turned upside down, or, in some cases, abandoned, as the non-depressed person’s ego can be wounded if his or her partner is not displaying the same qualities that attracted them together in the first place. 

The good news is that this latter state is rare and easily repaired, increasing the chances for a successful relationship, be it a working relationship, a relationship as friends, or a permanent romantic relationship. 

Double Four Double Attraction 

Type Four enneagram couples are known for their intense, intoxicating, and magnetic initial attractions to their same-type mates. 

This is due to their narcissistic qualities that appear in varying degrees among these types. The amount of narcissism in a Type 4 personality can be very small, but it can grow to monumental proportions in others.

They are attracted to the other 4s strongly because they see themselves in them, which can be a good thing or a not-so-good one.  

As their relationship grows, so does the couple’s idealism and tendency to be enamored with the other person. 

This holds especially true during times of reflection or humor.  Because of their intensity in romance, Double Fours are often used as examples of how beautiful romantic love can be.   

Although it is not always the case, they are often represented as having the potential as one of the longest-lasting archetypes of romantic couples. 

Unfortunately, their relationships can also withdraw into stern indignation when things don’t play out exactly as they have envisioned. 

The most successful Type Fours are those who have mastered their communication skills with one another. 

Generally speaking, Double Four couples shine as friends, colleagues, and as romantic couples. 

They intensely enjoy special moments alone together and seem to generate a delightful, energetic field around themselves. 

They are both attracted to the arts and are known to devote time to serving the public through the arts, both as artists themselves or as curators of art in some way.

They tend to be idealistic and focus on their future potential with great joy and strong belief in their own potential. 

How Two Type 4 Personalities Complement One Another

In the case of relationships with two of the same type of Enneagram personality types, the combination of two Fours tends to bring the same qualities to the relationship even more than other double combination couples. 

This means that each party’s dominant instincts and quality of health play key roles in their relationship.  

As doubles, Fours are naturally drawn to one another and are known to incur deep and lasting friendships with one another that can, at times, outlast their romantic relationships. 

Type 4 personalities are known for feeling persecuted and misunderstood, but where another Type 4 is concerned, they accept an understanding that they do not share with other Enneagram types. 

It is not uncommon for them to share more complete aspects of their personal lives with type matches than they would with different personality types. 

Stories about their deepest dreams and aspirations, tales of childhood and familial secrets, failures, disappointments, and other intimate details of their lives are shared with abandon. 

Each seems to possess emotional sensitivities to the experiences, traumas, and emotions of the other.  Each seeks a desirable mirroring in the other person and possesses a special ability to find what each is looking for in the other. 

When coupled with his or her double, the Four personality becomes more attuned to his or her own emotions, adding to it an intense level of respect and sensitivity toward the other’s characteristics as an individual. 

Fours tend to nurture one another’s individual needs, both physically and emotionally. They are known for being kind and compassionate. 

Fours possess the ability to find humor in their own and in the mistakes of their partners. 

They are always looking on the bright side of life…that is when they aren’t depressed. However, even then, they can be forthcoming about their emotions and do not find personal issues with their partners to be off-putting.  

When Type 4s are paired together, each seems natural when offering encouragement towards the other person’s creative efforts.   

Type 4 personalities possess a deep appreciation for the arts and various cultural aspects that pertain to the world’s beauty.

When Type 4s are paired, they view their relationship as a safe place with someone who truly understands the other.

They rely on their Type 4 partners to quell their feelings of loneliness and to assure them that they are on track with life.  This is an idealistic couple and a passionate one.  

One of the hallmarks of the Double Four relationship is how this couple handles life’s gifts and life’s punishments. 

Like any pairing, Double Fours have their highs and lows, common disappointments and moments of despair, along with times of elation, hopes, and dreams. 

However, rather than causing strife or division, double Fours tend to focus on and help one another through the worst and the best together. 

How the Double Four Couple can Run into Trouble

Since Double Four couples can be the picture of stability, sometimes, the relationship can be the couple’s most challenging area of trouble. Fours can have narcissistic characteristics. 

They can also be demanding about what is or is not satisfying them in their relationships.

Both parties in a Double Four pairing desire attention and want to be at its center during emotional times. 

Both want to be treated with special privileges and to ignore any boundaries that the other person places before them.  Each can be met with resistance from his or her partner when this occurs, and therein the problem lies.  

Both halves of a Double Four pairing want to find ideal mates. Still, because this enneagram personality type is prone to depression, expectations can be dashed when the other party plunges into the nadir of despair.

They can even grow competitive about which partner most deserves sympathy and understanding as they decry their slights and misfortunes when their partners are in genuine emotional distress.

Type 4s are always secretly looking for someone to come along and rescue them.  As long as they can count on their partners for that, everything should stay harmonious.  However, if the balance is thrown off, watch out! 

When in conflict with one another, Type 4s can withdraw from their partners, as they tend to withdraw from others as well during times of conflict.   

Even though they have strong, sensitive qualities, these qualities can be tossed to the curb if either party feels slighted or neglected by the other. 

Unbefore-seen resentments can bubble to the surface, and the results are not pretty.  Untoward accusations of disloyalty can be dispensed and hurt feelings accumulated.

Fortunately, because of each party’s deep understanding of the other, these times tend not to last long, especially with those Double Four personality types who have heeded advice about learning to communicate effectively. 

One thing that does seem to remain in place is the other partner’s willingness to listen to what his or her partner has to say, and if there is room for forgiveness at all, the forgiveness will usually find a way to prevail. 

Conclusion

A Double Four pairing can be satisfying, compatible, and loving unions among any of the other enneagram personality types. 

They have the potential to work together to make the world a better place, unlike any other couple.

However, the downside comes into play when they find themselves on different pages regarding motivation, goals, desires, or actions.

While strong conflicts can occur and seem like the end of the world, Double Four pairings tend to find resolutions and solutions to any problems that may arise.

Each understands the other with great intensity, and each takes special care to be forthright and open with his or her partner.  This is an excellent, compatible,  prospective match. 

Enneagram Type 4 Compatibility with Other Types

Can a gifted therapist help you too?

If you struggle with anxiety, depression, high-stress levels, relationship issues, or other specific challenges, one-on-one support from a therapist can help a lot.

You don’t need to go through this alone. There’s no shame in getting help!

Thousands of people get tailor-made support from a kind, empathetic, helpful therapist when faced with difficult life situations.

I recommend BetterHelp, which is a sponsor of Personality Unleashed.

It’s private, affordable, and takes place in the comfort of your own home.

Plus, you can talk to your therapist however you feel comfortable, whether through video, phone, or messaging.

Are you ready to break the negativity cycle?

Personality Unleashed readers get 10% off their first month. Click here to learn more.

Similar Posts