Are you interested in the Enneagram 3 and 9 relationship? This guide is for you!
Type 3 – The Accomplished Achiever
Achiever, Popular, Performance Oriented, Motivational, Ideal Example for Others, Excellence Seeker
Type 9 – The Serene Moderator
Moderator, Keeper of the Peace, Diplomatic, Pleasant Demeanor, Modest, Humble, Peace-Lover
Type 3 & 9 Core Patterns
Types 3 & 9 have compatibility despite some opposite traits.
Type Threes tend to be goal-oriented individuals who are not afraid of hard work.
They are ambitious and are most likely to achieve their goals. Nines are much more easygoing individuals.
They care for others and are peaceful in nature.
While Nines continually seek connections with others that include love-filled bonds and a natural flow, Threes are always busy working to attain their goals and the best possible results.
However, each has the ability to teach these things to their partner for a more balanced relationship overall.
Both of these types value their home environment and strive to make it attractive and comfortable.
Both are drawn to luxurious accommodations and are known to spend money to affect that.
Both parties are house-proud and value having the skills that help them make a house a home.
Both Threes and Nines tend to be kind, caring individuals who do their best to reach out to those who need it, and who strive to make the world a better place in which to live.
Values Shared by Types 3 & 9
Both types have the qualities of being idealistic and sociable in common.
Both Threes and Nines cherish family values, and both care for the underdog in any social situation, as well as have deep care and concern for children and animals.
Either of them might be known to rescue a needy animal or to feed someone who cannot afford to eat.
Each seems to have a built-in sense of compassion that they take every opportunity to exercise when they can.
While Threes and Nines are typically hard workers, they take different approaches.
Threes focus more on their careers, while Nines seems to work simply to pay the bills.
Both of them maintain high work ethics and hope to live comfortably, but Nines are not as driven as Threes are, at least not work-wise.
Comfort and safety are important to both of these personality types, and both attempt to create pleasant environments that are aesthetically pleasing to the other.
How Types 3 & 9 Complement One Another
The pairing of Type 3 and Type 9 is way off the scale in terms of compatibility. Type Nines are energized by the efficiency and productivity of Type Threes.
Type Threes feel more valued and cared for by the unconditional acceptance offered by Type Nines.
Type Nines offer encouragement and show pride towards their Type Three partners whenever they accomplish anything.
Threes assist Nines in ways they can develop self-respect by investing in themselves.
Threes feel free to explore their own potential as Nine’s mate, professional partner or friend and also feel free to be their true selves when they know that Nines are on their side.
Type Nines learn self-valuation and to accomplish more in their work by being connected to a Type Three personality.
Both Threes and Nines are dedicated to applying themselves to their work completely, but they also appreciate comfort, a cozy home, and true luxury.
Nines can teach their Type Three partners to relax and enjoy their lives, and
Threes can teach Nines how to be more proactive and motivated as they transform into their fully-realized potential.
How Threes and Nines Can Get into Trouble
As a couple, Types Three and Nine can find themselves in trouble when Type Nine’s naturally easy-going temperament begins to inhibit Type Three’s ardor for completing tasks.
Nines can often misunderstand the drive possessed by their Type Three partners as Threes attempt to control them, which is not the case at all.
Nines rebel against this interpretation of Three’s behavior by sabotaging their work by slowing down to a snail’s pace.
Nines can be detrimentally stubborn but remain unaware of their propensity toward delaying and opposing Threes, sometimes unreasonably.
There are times when Threes simply want to get a job done well and on time when Nines will dig in their heels and become unreasonably stubborn.
This stirs up trouble by causing Threes to view their partners as unfocused and unable to make sound decisions.
This can lead to an even worse conflict.
Problems can also arise with this pairing when they discuss their conflicts or other problems.
Threes and Nines both tend to avoid these discussions until things blow up.
Threes need to appear “put together” at all times, while Nines have the natural urge to keep their environment peaceful.
Maintaining this image is important to both of them.
This means that if problems are bubbling under the surface, neither one will dare mention it.
It is important for both a Type Three and a Type Nine to avoid the appearance of being fragile, and both parties are sensitive about rejection.
Therefore, more often than not, problems can go unresolved for weeks until there is either a blow-up or until they go away on their own.
Both parties agree that their negative emotions are best left unsaid.
This can end in disaster for their relationship, unfortunately, both professionally and personally.
Things Types Three and Nine Should Be Aware of About One Another
The Three and Nine couple should make a point of being vigilant and not gloss over the emotional issues that bother them.
As both tend to lean toward positive falsehoods, such as, “Oh, everything is ok,” when it isn’t, paying closer attention to the other partner’s signals that something is wrong can really pay off, in terms of solidifying the relationship.
Being aware of the fact that both Threes and Nines avoid conflict when anything is painful, unpleasant or even challenging.
Each person in this couple needs to make an extra effort by taking additional time to address the other person’s inner world and to bring up any negativity that has the potential to develop into something more serious.
This will prevent those negative feelings from festering until they become an eruption.
Nines hate conflict more than anything, and Threes hold back on expressing themselves because of their belief in the power of positive thinking.
If it goes on for too long, it can truly result in disaster for the couple who might otherwise remain happy together for the majority of the time.
Threes also need to be aware that their Nine partners work much slower than they do, and that it is nothing intentional.
It is simply the way that Type Nines are wired. They simply need more specialized motivation dispensed in a kind, loving way.
Nines, on the other hand, need to realize that Type Threes are naturally inclined to be efficient, to achieve their goals, and to dispense with actionable plans.
This is not to be controlling. It is to accomplish what they set out to accomplish for the good of the union.
How Type Threes and Type Nines Can Support One Another
Without a doubt, a Type Three-Type Nine pairing is a balanced couple. Their special mix of action and relaxation lends itself to a cohesive mix.
Type Nines struggle with decision-making, while Type Threes are great at zeroing in on exactly what needs to be done.
Type Nines struggle with standing up for themselves, while Type Threes excels at doing just that.
In other words, that which one member of the couple lacks, the other possesses, and each person in this pairing knows how to use his or her skills to enhance the relationship somehow.
Type Nines are very supportive of those in their day-to-day field of vision.
They provide a steady stream of positive reinforcement to their partners, and an unlimited supply of encouragement, which Type Threes need more than anything.
Nines are also familiar with life’s simple pleasures and know how to imbue Type Threes with an appreciation for them.
Type Threes need this lesson, as they can be wound tightly due to their high work expectations.
Type Threes feel that they can be their genuine selves around their Type Nine partners and feel safe in doing so.
Type Nines enable them to relax when they normally wouldn’t even think of it.
Type Threes can inspire their Type Nine partners to excel at their work, which is something Nines need to learn.
Type Threes inspire them to do better and to be better people overall.
Both Type Threes and Type Nines are easy to get along with.
Type Threes take their work more seriously than their Type Nine counterparts, but they are the “bread and butter” element of the team and are counted on by Nines to be their natural pragmatic selves.
Both of these personality types have high work ethics and are hard workers. Type Nines simply have a more relaxed attitude about it all.
Type Nines seem more socially connected than Type Threes, but this is because being socially connected means more to them from a self-esteem standpoint.
Type Threes tend to get their own, rather weak, self-esteem from how good a job they can do professionally.
While they can come off as pushy, at times, they aren’t. They simply call the shots as they see them and wait for the pieces to fall into place.
The longevity of a Type Three-Nine couple is very promising. This is a couple that can last.
Here are guides to Type 3 relationships with other types:
Can a gifted therapist help you too?
If you struggle with anxiety, depression, high-stress levels, relationship issues, or other specific challenges, one-on-one support from a therapist can help a lot.
You don’t need to go through this alone. There’s no shame in getting help!
Thousands of people get tailor-made support from a kind, empathetic, helpful therapist when faced with difficult life situations.
I recommend BetterHelp, which is a sponsor of Personality Unleashed.
It’s private, affordable, and takes place in the comfort of your own home.
Plus, you can talk to your therapist however you feel comfortable, whether through video, phone, or messaging.
Are you ready to break the negativity cycle?
Personality Unleashed readers get 10% off their first month. Click here to learn more.